HERSTORY

Multiple definitions of feminism

2010-10-13T11:18:00.001-07:00

Here's a great article compiling different opinions on what it means to be a feminist:

http://www.slate.com/id/2270053/entry/2270054/

French controversy

2010-01-26T07:41:00.000-08:00

"The text said the state should study the motivations of veiled women, do more to combat violence against women and teach more about sexual equality at school."

Read the article here.

Stepping down

2009-12-31T12:42:00.000-08:00

I'm officially finished my duties as the head of the journal for the fall 2009 semester. I passed the baton to Jenna, who will actually be in the country for the spring 2010 semester.

This experience has taught me dozens of lessons - some positive, but many negative.

I learned that when it comes down to it, you can't rely on anyone but yourself, but I also learned that miracles in the form of talented people can pop up out of nowhere (thank you Gabby!).

I realized that the people you count on and admire the most aren't necessarily the people who come through for you or who do even the simplest, smallest favors you ask them to. But just when you're about to break, someone who cares will come along and go above and beyond what you expected (thank you Jenna - you're an angel!).

Then there are the board members like Julie Abernathy who, despite her insanely packed school schedule, responsibilities as the President of Rider's STAND chapter, and (understandably) her desire to devote the little free time she has to her boyfriend, she still manages to keep in touch and do the jobs she can handle. She came through at a critical time for the voting process and ensured my sanity.

I just want to say thank you to everyone who submitted, to everyone who supports this project, and to everyone on the board who does her best. Happy New Year and good luck!

~Julie Morcate

HerStory newsletter!

2009-11-30T08:32:00.000-08:00

Please click on the pages to zoom.

Let's Talk About Feminism!

2009-11-30T00:21:00.001-08:00

I am a Feminist and Couldn’t Be More Proud
By Laura Timperman

To be a feminist is often characterized as a negative characteristic due to off-putting connotations associated with the word. When people think “feminist” they often think bra burner, man hater, crazy woman or lesbian, but what does feminism really mean? “Women’s Voices, Feminist Visions” by Susan Shaw and Janet Lee, defines feminism as the belief in the social, political and economical equality for women (56). You don’t need to be a man hater, you don’t need to be a lesbian and you most definitely do not have to even be a woman!

Many women do not like to associate themselves with the word “feminist” because of the fear of being stereotyped, when in reality, feminist merely means you want women to have equal rights and opportunities (16). If a woman tells a man, “I am a feminist,” then there is often the possibility that she will be shunned or even feared because women with voices for themselves are not what is considered a conventional feminine trait.

A woman, in order to be accepted into a society that considers her as “the other sex” or considered being below the male gender, must act feminine. This includes traits such as soft, passive, domestic, nurturing, dependent, sensitive, dependent, needy and fearful or helpless (134-137). Women must often “do gender,” meaning she must walk, look, act and speak in feminine ways. These types of adjectives associated with women in mainstream North American culture have kept women in positions of subordination and encouraged them to be domestic and remain submissive (137-139). As a result, the term feminist was established for women who “broke out of the box.” Feminism is in no way encouraging women to be like men, but is about encouraging women to create their own culture, believe in themselves enough to pursue greater opportunities and break out of what society expects of them, such as being a cook, a maid and a mother.

Feminism is also “a political discourse aimed at equal rights and legal protection for women” (11). There were three waves of feminism. The first wave began in the nineteenth and early twentieth century, the second in 1960s and 70s and the third wave began in the 1990s. In the nineteenth century, there were very few legal, social or economic rights for women, so there was a great struggle for gender equality. Married women lost inherited property rights to their husbands and women were barred from higher education until women’s colleges began opening. At this time, women learned how to fight for themselves because they had been observing and helping slaves gain their rights. The second wave of feminism was “mainly concerned with independence and greater political action to improve women’s rights.” The third wave of feminism focused on the inclusion of women in areas that were normally dominated by men. It challenged the common definitions of feminine and masculine characteristics as well as the definitions of gender and sexuality (11-13).

The Women’s Liberation Movement (WLM), a title adopted in 1960 to move away from the objectification of women in political discourse, was to gain equal opportunities in education; employment and pay; self-determination, such as birth control and/or abortions and an end to discrimination other grounds of sexuality, race, religion and ethnicity for women.

All the social, political and economical changes for women could not have occurred without strong, confident and optimistic females that rose above and fought to give women voices all over the country. To claim that you are a feminist is something a person should feel proud to say. I am a feminist. It feels good to say because I know that I have the power to make a change. My bras are not used to make a fire burn stronger, I like men and I am not sexually attracted to women, but I am a feminist who has a fiery passion in her heart to support her fellow women in fighting for the rights and opportunities that men already possess.

Break The Silence: The International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women

2009-11-25T12:23:00.001-08:00

Dear Friend,

Today is the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women and we call upon you to take a moment to reflect on the silent terror of rape and sexual violence in situations of conflict across the African continent.

Many women who are survivors of rape and other forms of sexual violence suffer silently because speaking out usually result in stigma and rejection by their communities and families. Consequently many cases of rape and sexual violence go unreported and perpetrators go unpunished.

Break the Silence and join us in speaking out against these heinous crimes. At Africa Action we believe that breaking the silence and ending the systematic use of rape and sexual violence against women and girls is one of the most urgent moral responsibilities of our time.

To mark the International Day of the Eliminations of Violence against Women, Africa Action released Break The Silence: Stop Violence Against Women in Darfur and Sudan – a public education resource.
Download pdf

Unfortunately women across the continent, not only in Sudan are struggling with the long term effects of rape. From the Democratic Republic of the Congo to Guinea, women and girls must be protected, victims of rape need to be supported, and perpetrators of violence must be brought to justice.

To help raise awareness for the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women add Africa Action's twitter ribbon to your twitter and facebook account! Follow Africa Action on twitter for more information and to add the twibbon to your social network pages. www.twitter.com/AfricaAction

Thank you,

Staff @ Africa Action
www.africaaction.org

Submissions Deadline Extended to Dec. 4!

2009-11-14T11:45:00.000-08:00

HerStory is a literary journal devoted to women. The journal is seeking written and visual works that challenge, intrigue and enlighten our community. HerStory welcomes a variety of perspectives: both women and men are encouraged to submit their work, as long as the work gives women a voice. Accepted submissions include: poetry, prose, short stories, essays, reviews, interviews, visual art, photography, monologues and 10-minute plays.

All literary pieces must be sent in Microsoft Word. You may submit up to five titles (each having an 8” x 11” page maximum of 5 single-spaced or 10 double-spaced pages). Artwork should be submitted as prints or slides. Photos should be submitted as 4 x 7 or larger prints (all photos will appear inside the journal in black and white). With all submissions, include name, pen name if applicable, and e-mail address. Simultaneous submissions are acceptable if notification is given and includes both the name of the publisher and publication. Previously published works will not be considered. Email submissions and inquiries to: HerStory@rider.edu

HerStory is scheduled to be released each spring semester and will be accompanied by an evening of live entertainment and featured writers performing their published works.

SUBMISSIONS ACCEPTED: Now until December 4, 2009
ACCEPTANCE NOTIFICATION: December 17, 2009
PUBLICATION DATE: March 2010

Women on the Edge of Evolution

2009-11-06T20:15:00.000-08:00

Women On The Edge of Evolution Update
Dear Sisters!

We are overjoyed to report that another 5,000 of you have joined our Feminine Power Global Community this week, making us, just 3 weeks into the series, well over 25,000 strong. What a profound statement this is! Evidence of that which so many of us have been intuitively sensing-that we are standing on the brink of something extraordinary that is waking up for millions of women worldwide; that there is a deep need for us to gather together to begin bringing forth our collective creativity and power to co-create a beautiful future for ourselves and for future generations; that now is our time to evolve ourselves and our world to the next level of our collective development--and that we are up to the task that is before us! So, if someone forwarded this email to you inviting you to join us, please go to http://www.WomenOnTheEdgeOfEvolution.com and register now.

Last week's dialogue Embracing and Evolving the Feminine: Engaging the Gender Paradox with the brilliant Zen teacher, Diane Musho Hamilton provided extraordinary depth and insight as to how we might begin navigating the challenging task of integrating and reconciling the many polarities and contradictions pulling upon us at this point in time. She encouraged us to consciously evolve beyond old and limited ideas of what it is to be a woman so that we might discover our own unique expression of the emergent feminine, pointing to the surplus of dynamic and inspiring modern day role models we currently have-from Beyoncé to Hillary Clinton to Michelle Obama to Madonna, who just completed the most successful tour ever by a solo artist.

If you missed this uplifting, fascinating dialogue with Diane Musho Hamilton exploring and engaging the gender paradox, you can to download it here.

Women on the Edge of Evolution was created to provide a forum to collectively engage the most important questions facing us today as we seek to realize our own personal, as well as our collective, potentials. And few can speak to the evolution of women's consciousness with as much understanding and depth as our next guest in the series, Dr. Elizabeth Debold. Elizabeth is an internationally renowned gender researcher, cultural commentator, senior editor of EnlightenNext magazine, and bestselling author. Elizabeth knows, through her many years of research at Harvard and beyond, that we women are standing on the evolutionary edge of creating a new culture, and she will be mapping out that terrain in this week's dialogue, "The Next Women's Liberation". If you are a woman who wants to leave the past behind and discover a higher creative intelligence and strength, don't miss next week's conversation with Dr. Elizabeth Debold!

Many of you know that we've set an intention to create a global network of 100,000 women standing with and for each other by the end of the series in February. We are well on our way towards achieving this goal and yet we need the support of each and every one of you. If you've not already done so, we ask that you forward this email to at least 4 other women in your community so that we continue to build momentum towards realizing this critical mass, and we thank you in advance for your participation and your partnership.

We also want to encourage you to consider joining the global community of women who are speaking up and out on our Feminine Power Global Community on Facebook or our Gaia community. Thousands of you have already let us know what you are thinking , what you are feeling, and what you are creating in your own lives and in our world, and we want to hear from thousands more! So please sign up and let your voice be heard! We are listening, and so are many others who very much want to hear what you have to say.

To all that we can catalyze and co-create together.

With love, Katherine Woodward Thomas & Claire Zammit

This week's call for the Women on the Edge of Evolution teleseries will be on Saturday November 7th at 9:30 a.m. PDT, and will feature our very special guest, Dr. Elizabeth Debold speaking on "The Next Women's Liberation".

We women are truly poised at the edge, standing on the transformative brink of creating a new culture. There's a restlessness in us, a hunger, an intense longing... and it's not about getting a better job or buying a bigger house or revitalizing our love life.

This desire is much bigger than any of the usual concerns that we women have had. It's a desire for a greater purpose, a deeper engagement with LIFE-to be a soaring vehicle for Eros, the force of creation itself. This is the Next Women's Liberation-a true sisterhood of the spirit among women awakened to Eros, engaged in the thrilling adventure of creating a future in true partnership with men that we haven't yet imagined.

Dr. Elizabeth Debold is an internationally renowned gender researcher, cultural commentator, senior editor at EnlightenNext magazine and bestselling author of Mother Daughter Revolution: From Good Girls to Great Women. Elizabeth received her doctorate in human development and psychology from Harvard University, where she was a founding member of the Harvard Project on Women's Psychology and Girls' Development, directed by Dr. Carol Gilligan. She has taught at the New School for Social Research, Harvard University, and the Graduate Institute, where she was the academic director of the Master of Arts program in Conscious Evolution. She is currently under contract for a new book, tentatively titled The Evolution of Love: Men, Women, and the Possibility of Transformation, to be published by Pantheon.

To listen live online, http://instantteleseminar.com/?eventid=9774480

To download the audio after the teleseminar is complete, http://instantteleseminar.com/?eventid=9774480

Note: to access the complete audio archives of previous Women on the Edge of Evolution calls, please visit:

http://www.box.net/shared/opx6rj3v9a

Sponsor Highlights:

And while we're talking about FREE STUFF, check out EnlightenNext Magazine, the magazine that can give you an entirely different perspective on just about everything. Be sure and pick up your free digital issue at: http://www.EnlightenNext.org/freemagazine

We're also very pleased to introduce you to our friends at NextStep Integral. Next Step Integral has four main branches: Integral Ecology - Integral Education - Integral Parenting and Integral Community. Learn all about their outstanding work and upcoming programs at: http://www.NextStepIntegral.org/.

Join the Great Integral Awakening and get free access to interviews with the worlds leading teachers and practitioners of integral spirituality. Craig Hamilton hosts this collection of awesome dialogues, bringing his own depth and breadth of experience to the inspiring discussions. Sign up now and get access to Craig's upcoming interview with pioneer of conscious evolution, Barbara Marx Hubbard. http://www.GreatIntegralAwakening.com

Our friends at Integral Enlightenment are pleased to announce the launch of their new online Academy for Evolutionaries. They've just opened registration for their 9-week Telecourse: Integral Enlightenment - Awakening to an Evolutionary Relationship to Life. You can learn all about it and download a FREE 75-minute introductory audio seminar at: http://www.IntegralEnlightenment.com/telecourse.

Special thanks to our host:
Feminine Power Global Community at http://FemininePower.com/

Our event partners:
Gaia at http://www.Gaia.com/
The SHIFT Movie at http://TheShiftmovie.com/wee/

Our co-sponsors:
Integral Enlightenment at http://www.IntegralEnlightenment.com/telecourse/
iEvolve Global Practice Community at http://www.ievolve.org/
Agape International Spiritual Center at http://AgapeLive.com
EnlightenNext at http://www.EnlightenNext.org/magazine/mag/relaunch.asp
Next Step Integral at http://NextStepIntegral.org
The First 30 Days at http://First30Days.com
HUB- Humanity Unites Brilliance at http://HubHub.org
Great Integral Awakening at http://www.GreatIntegralAwakening.com/telecourse
Unsubscribe or change subscriber options
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Feminine Power
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Los Angeles, CA 90004
(323) 871-8900

Calling for submissions now until Nov. 20!

2009-11-06T14:11:00.001-08:00

HerStory is a literary journal devoted to women. The journal is seeking written and visual works that challenge, intrigue and enlighten our community. HerStory welcomes a variety of perspectives: both women and men are encouraged to submit their work, as long as the work gives women a voice. Accepted submissions include: poetry, prose, short stories, essays, reviews, interviews, visual art, photography, monologues and 10-minute plays.

All literary pieces must be sent in Microsoft Word. You may submit up to five titles (each having an 8” x 11” page maximum of 5 single-spaced or 10 double-spaced pages). Artwork should be submitted as prints or slides. Photos should be submitted as 4 x 7 or larger prints (all photos will appear inside the journal in black and white).With all submissions, include name, pen name if applicable, telephone number and e-mail address. Simultaneous submissions are acceptable if notification is given and includes both the name of the publisher and publication. Previously published works will not be considered. Email submissions and inquiries to: HerStory@rider.edu

HerStory is scheduled to be released each spring semester and will be accompanied by an evening of live entertainment and featured writers performing their published works.

SUBMISSIONS ACCEPTED: Now until November 20, 2009
ACCEPTANCE NOTIFICATION: December 2009
PUBLICATION DATE: March 2010

Women & The Evolution of Culture

2009-10-29T10:04:00.000-07:00

In the following excerpt from her groundbreaking article, “The Divine Feminine Unveiled,” EnlightenNext magazine senior editor Elizabeth Debold describes the challenging and sacred role that women need to play in the evolution of culture:

"We women can move culture forward and create a future beyond patriarchy. But it will neither be easy nor necessarily feel “natural” if we see our nature primarily in terms of the roles we have played in culture over most of historical time….The goal would be to develop a consciousness that both includes our biological and cultural inheritance and also transcends it, so that a new, free space of relationship is created in culture in which to catalyze a new partnership between women and men. This would be a new expression of the feminine, and given how essential it is for transforming our world, such an endeavor is nothing less than sacred."

For more info, please click here

What do you think about the "natural" balance of social roles?

~JEM

HerStory Discussion Forum: Twilight

2009-10-28T18:41:00.000-07:00

In the spirit of Halloween, and the spirit of pure fun, I'd like to create a discussion about the Twilight franchise under feminist scrutiny. As someone who has only indulged in viewing the film, I can personally only remark on the plot as it has been presented to me. I know that this topic is not only popular, but also very fun to debate with friends, and we're all friends here ;).

So under my lens, I am seeing a male (Mr. Cullen) who is over a century old, who is infatuated/in love with the teenaged female (Miss Swan). The character of Bella seems to be an awkward, shy and unsure character who latches onto Edward, frequently commenting on his physical appearance. Are they making objects out of each other?

What do you guys think about Twilight and Feminism?

<3yourwebmasterkat

Calling all HerStorians!

2009-09-27T09:26:00.000-07:00

Welcome back HerStorians!

A new year at Rider is now underway, and the lovely HerStory board is looking for MORE MEMBERS!
If you want to dip your fingers into something ultimately fabulous and wonderful, we suggest you try us on.
We are looking for talented people with passions for female rights, literature, art, advertising, copyediting... the list goes on.
Shoot us an email at herstory@rider.edu if you want to sit down at the table with us and talk HerStory.

NY Times Magazine

2009-08-24T22:22:00.000-07:00

Hello all!

My brother recently attended a NY Times event where they were given the latest issue of the NY Times Magazine. I never read it before, but it seems like fate that the one issue that I'd come into contact with would be women themed. Luckily, a lot of articles are online on their page that discuss women's rights right now, so here's the linky, and enjoy <3

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/23/magazine/23Women-t.html

Love,

Kat

Here we go

2009-08-19T22:46:00.001-07:00

Refreshing

Happy Birthday Aunt Steph

2009-07-31T11:41:00.000-07:00

It is important to recgonize the people in our lives who have brought us to the place we are now, either through loving action and words, or difficult ones. My aunt is one that has always strengthened me in all times with the most gentle and inspiring words and actions. For example, she taught me years ago to "capture the energy" of a beautiful landscape infront of me. The first time we did this was on a crowded Jersey beach. I watched her hands reach up to the sky past the ocean and then to her face where she breathed in the perfect energy. I now do this which creates a sense of peace, oneness, and awe of the places I come across. I have taught this to my dear friend Julie Morcate who loves to practice it as well. Another nugget of love my Aunt has offered me was the chance to become Reiki certified with her. It was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. Her deep heart and mind helped me learn and experience the moment to the fullest and I came away from the workshops with greater understanding of my soul and the soul of others.

We also always have "heart to hearts" when we visit where she listens with her ears and her heart to everything I say. Most of us wait for a person to stop speaking so we can say our thoughts/ideas. My aunt always listens fully and sits quietly after I speak in order to let it sink in. She never ceases to move me with her kindness.

Her accomplishments are limitless as she is working on a PhD, while running a large company. She keeps her house beautifully, as beautifully as she treats her body as she has always taught me "you can't love anyone unless you love yourself first."

Not only is she an incredible example of how to work hard, and stay healthy, but she has a wonderful sense of humor. Her laugh, like my mother's laugh, is one you wish to paint your walls with, or wear as a coat, as there is nothing quite like it.

My aunt recently had a birthday. I can never figure out the proper thing to give her, as I don't believe I have enough money to buy her what she deserves. Yet she has ALWAYS ALWAYS bought me a multitude of gifts for all reasons without asking for a thing in return. I believe she is one of the few people I know who can give purely without a motive. Below is a poem I wrote about her, though it doesn't do her beauty justice. Happy Birthday my wondrous Aunt! May you experience all the joy you deserve.

Beautiful aunt
With sunlight in the pit of your belly
That shines in your every move
When you tell a story with emphatic
Energy up around the room
Capturing your audience
Beautiful aunt
With wisdom in the heart of your eyes
That speaks through your every thought
Always looking for some way to bless
Nurture
Hold
Heal
Every single soul that crosses your path
Do you ever tire of the constant heart
Of wishing those well when they hurt you
Of loving those who don’t deserve you?
Beautiful aunt
With a mind of gold
You never stop learning or growing
Showing me the truth in the world
Around me
I love you always as you have taught me
How to love myself.

What do you think about this?

2009-07-19T10:58:00.001-07:00

Big O

Graduate student organization

2009-07-09T18:20:00.001-07:00

I've been searching for study abroad scholarships for the past hour or so, and I came upon this site. While it's irrelevant to us undergrads at the moment, it's good to know this is out there. Plus, we can apply for one of these programs in a couple years...

Historical, cultural, artistic, fashionable figure

2009-06-30T09:52:00.001-07:00

Madame Yevonde can be an inspiration to us all. Read her story here, and then head over to the amazing photos she took. As a mythology geek, my favorite gallery was of the era's socialities dressed up as Greek and Roman goddesses, Gorgons, witches and famous mortals!

Eve Ensler's center in Bukavu

2009-06-29T17:59:00.000-07:00

I read an article about this a long time ago and saved a quote, which I just recently found:

Eve Ensler is "building an army of rape survivors who will push with an urgency for a solution to end Congo's war."

http://www.vday.org/drcongo

Neda: archetype of the Iranian protester

2009-06-23T23:00:00.000-07:00

Take a moment out of your day to read about her story.

The French government is not afraid of being politically incorrect?

2009-06-22T12:56:00.001-07:00

This is really interesting! http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/eu_france_sarkozy_burqa

Also, a minor phrase in that article hit me so hard that I realized I'm still a drone of the patriarchal mentality. Just from reading, "while junior minister for human rights Rama Yade said she was..." I'm embarassed to say, I was actually surprised to see the pronoun "she" after such a prestigous title. (How abnormal - a woman not only with an important job in the government, but with the occasion to have something to say!!!!) What does this mean?

UPDATE: I discussed this same article with a friend of mine in France. Here's what he had to say:

"Unfortunately, i don't really agree with the journalist ; he didn't really understand what's about the last speech of our president and the debate around the burqa. That's a typically french debate, with a lot of history behind, underneath what you can understand with an external point of view, that's really interesting.

You also noticied the fact of Rama Yade (and you didn't see her face, she's just hot !) ; well, that's another really interesting thing : you say that's unbelievable seeing a woman in charge of it ? I say it's unbelievable that they still aren't enough in our politics. Women are numerous since Sarkozy arrived, and we (French population) still want more : in Nothern Europe, it's not shocking to see a woman being president ! "

When he said that she's "hot," too, I google image searched her, and he was right; she's smart, articulate AND gorgeous!

Sotomayor

2009-06-19T18:51:00.000-07:00

More trouble.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/20/us/politics/20grove.html?ref=politics

Sotomayor Resigns From All-Women’s Club

By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
Published: June 19, 2009

WASHINGTON (AP) — Judge Sonia Sotomayor, President Obama’s nominee for the Supreme Court, resigned Friday from an elite women’s club after Republicans questioned her membership.

Interesting, innovative, inclusive group

2009-06-11T18:05:00.000-07:00

I heard about this club by reading about Rosario Dawson, of all people.
~JEM

http://www.girlsclub.org/

"Mission

The Lower Eastside Girls Club provides a place where girls and young women 8-23 can grow, learn, have fun, and develop confidence in themselves and their ability to make a difference in the world. By delivering strong arts, literacy, science, health and leadership programs we provide girls with the vision to plan – and the tools to build – their future.

The Girls Club also runs a trio of social venture businesses: The Art+Community Gallery, La Tiendita Fair Trade and Girl Made Gift Shop at the Essex Market, and the Sweet Things Bake Shop. All of our programs develop environmental, entrepreneurial and ethical leadership in the girls we serve.

The Girls Club is in the final stages of a $20 million capital campaign to build New York City’s first and only Girls Club facility- a LEED Gold state of the art ‘green’ building that will serve hundreds of economically disadvantaged girls and their families. The new Girls Club Center for Community will open in 2011."

Birth Control for Men

2009-05-15T04:56:00.000-07:00

What a truly good and progressive concept! But with any birth control what it does is HUGELY alter the hormones in your body, which is not our natural state. That means their could be a lot of risks involved. For example, birth control in women has been linked to breast cancer. Hopefully all birth control can be reformed to not damage our systems- natural/organic birth control??? Any science majors feel like working on something like this?

Source:
http://genderacrossborders.wordpress.com/2009/05/05/birth-control-for-men-coming-soon/

Pink Chaddi Campaign

2009-05-14T14:29:00.000-07:00

Read about it here: http://matadorchange.com/indias-pink-chaddi-campaign/
And their very own blog: http://thepinkchaddicampaign.blogspot.com/

Simone De Beavoir's "She Came To Stay"

2009-05-11T23:46:00.000-07:00

I'm letting myself read things that I want to, now that I'm done with finals. Even though a part of me feels as though I'm cheating on my husband, "College," with books that are frivolous and too wild for his tastes. It feels very good.

My first book is Simone De Beavoir's "She Came To Stay." I ordered it from Amazon for mere pennies knowing nothing about it but the delicious picture and title on the cover, and the fact that Beauvoir was a vital part in the feminist movement through her writing. She helped propel the revolution. (As most revolutions are started, through little words.) I am not past the first four lines, and I'm already swept up in it. I have re-read these lines over and over and I vow right here on our HerStory blog that when I read books, and they move me, I must commit them to my memory and not let them go eventually as I normally do with the other books I have read. This tragedy occurs because I force so many books in without letting them fully digest into my system since I have a hungry grumbly brain. I will read this book not page by page but word by word as one would touch someone's face (moving to cheek lingering moving to neck lingering moving to forehead).

The opening paragraph includes this sentence, "Francoise was sleepy, but there was something intimate and comfortable about her own weariness." Love at first read- (my heart beats faster, and slows down in peace all at the same time).

I like that line because it sounds simple and effortless at first glance. In actuality she is already encouraging the reader to be so caught up in herself: her truth and her failures that she cannot help but be enamored with her daily mundane life, her casual imperfect self. The title seems to hint at this type of mindset as well. It reminds me of one of my favorite books called Romancing The Ordinary. That book follows each season and focuses your attention on casual things that take on this gleam when beheld by the author, which is exactly what Beauvoir is achieving (These are the marks of mystics).

I also adore that Beauvoir is not making excuses of why this character is tired. Calling someone tired is usually an insult or a missed attempt at being implicit about stating that someone looks like crap. She pokes fun at that common way of viewing tired in a non confrontational way- by appreciating her dishevelment, her lack of force and action. I have always been a fan of people in this state: before sleep or after having no sleep where they say what they're thinking, and also have their walls down (because they probably forgot to put them on properly in the morning). I'm also a fan of myself at these moments as I'm more willing to sleep on the grass, and talk too long on the phone. Come to think of it, I like everything to look a little worn: furniture, books, eye make up; I think women are at their most beautiful (I mean myself too) when our eye make up is smudged and soft and our eyes beg for sleep. David Bowie, too. I have a strong gut feeling that this book will only serve to intensify my respect for things that are just a little out of a place, a little off of their game.

I'll post my thoughts on this book over the summer. I'm sure some of the other HerStory women will have thoughts on their summer books as well.

Happy happy summer reading!

Maria

Another article from the New York Times

2009-05-10T17:15:00.001-07:00

Backlash: Women Bullying Women at Work

By MICKEY MEECE
Published: May 9, 2009

YELLING, scheming and sabotaging: all are tell-tale signs that a bully is at work, laying traps for employees at every pass.

During this downturn, as stress levels rise, workplace researchers say, bullies are likely to sharpen their elbows and ratchet up their attacks.

It’s probably no surprise that most of these bullies are men, as a survey by the Workplace Bullying Institute, an advocacy group, makes clear. But a good 40 percent of bullies are women. And at least the male bullies take an egalitarian approach, mowing down men and women pretty much in equal measure. The women appear to prefer their own kind, choosing other women as targets more than 70 percent of the time.

In the name of Betty Friedan and Gloria Steinem, what is going on here?

Just the mention of women treating other women badly on the job seemingly shakes the women’s movement to its core. It is what Peggy Klaus, an executive coach in Berkeley, Calif., has called “the pink elephant” in the room. How can women break through the glass ceiling if they are ducking verbal blows from other women in cubicles, hallways and conference rooms?

Women don’t like to talk about it because it is “so antithetical to the way that we are supposed to behave to other women,” Ms. Klaus said. “We are supposed to be the nurturers and the supporters.”

Ask women about run-ins with other women at work and some will point out that people of both sexes can misbehave. Others will nod in instant recognition and recount examples of how women — more so than men — have mistreated them.

“I’ve been sabotaged so many times in the workplace by other women, I finally left the corporate world and started my own business,” said Roxy Westphal, who runs the promotional products company Roxy Ventures Inc. in Scottsdale, Ariz. She still recalls the sting of an interview she had with a woman 30 years ago that “turned into a one-person firing squad” and led her to leave the building in tears.

Jean Kondek, who recently retired after a 30-year career in advertising, recalled her anger when an administrator in a small agency called a meeting to dress her down in front of co-workers for not following agency procedure in a client emergency.

But Ms. Kondek said she had the last word. “I said, ‘Would everyone please leave?’ ” She added, “and then I told her, ‘This is not how you handle that.’ ”

Many women who are still in the work force were hesitant to speak out publicly for fear of making matters worse or of jeopardizing their careers. A private accountant in California said she recently joined a company and was immediately frozen out by two women working there. One even pushed her in the cafeteria during an argument, the accountant said. “It’s as if we’re back in high school,” she said.

A senior executive said she had “finally broken the glass ceiling” only to have another woman gun for her job by telling management, “I can’t work for her, she’s passive-aggressive.”

The strategy worked: The executive said she soon lost the job to her accuser.

ONE reason women choose other women as targets “is probably some idea that they can find a less confrontative person or someone less likely to respond to aggression with aggression,” said Gary Namie, research director for the Workplace Bullying Institute, which ordered the study in 2007.

But another dynamic may be at work. After five decades of striving for equality, women make up more than 50 percent of management, professional and related occupations, says Catalyst, the nonprofit research group. And yet, its 2008 census found, only 15.7 percent of Fortune 500 officers and 15.2 percent of directors were women.

Leadership specialists wonder, are women being “overly aggressive” because there are too few opportunities for advancement? Or is it stereotyping and women are only perceived as being overly aggressive? Is there a double standard at work?

Research on gender stereotyping from Catalyst suggests that no matter how women choose to lead, they are perceived as “never just right.” What’s more, the group found, women must work twice as hard as men to achieve the same level of recognition and prove they can lead.

[Read the rest here.]

Down With "Love"

2009-05-09T12:35:00.000-07:00

With divorce rates at around 40-50% of marriages within the United States (giving us a higher divorce rate than all other countries), one would think that people would fight to NOT get married. That we would be creating parades, signing petitions, and lobbying to casually date and not have to call someone when we say we will. Power to commitment-aphobes, I say. However, with current political arguments over equal marital rights, it seems as though marriage is still a popular American pastime. Not only in the homo-sexual community, but in the hetero-sexual community as well. I refer to it as a hobby, simply because of the frequency of marriages, and then its normal American ending: divorce. Divorce rates are higher within the younger population, and seem to become less frequent with people over the age of 25.

My question is, does the option of divorce allow those of us the option of marriage who shouldn't be married? Does the right to file for a divorce in itself create more divorces? As American women we treasure our rights that are superior to most women in other parts of the world. We are thankful to be able to live the life we want. But is the right of divorce allow us to commit to people we do not know?

I am going to argue that the option of divorce has in itself created more divorces, simply because you can't bake an apple pie without apples; you can't have a lot of divorces surface without it being socially and legally accepted. As a result people rush into marriage and feel that it is a fulfillment of their societal, gender, and sometimes emotional needs. When it is none of the above.

There are risks in marriage, just as there are risks in dating, or being in a monogamous relationship. It takes a long time to truly get to know someone on a romantic level, and on a friendship level. I have known numerous couples married for years to only divorce after saying that they never really loved each other. This type of action not only debunks marriage as a perfect union, but also questions what marriage actually is-- Is it a piece of paper? A blood test showing biological compatibility? Is it waking up next to someone every day? Is it trusting one person with your entire mental/physical/emotional body? The only differing characteristics between monogamous relationships and marriage are the verbal vows made in front of family, the piece of paper, and the blood test results that have to be shared between a married couple. What this means is that marriage does not unify what has not already been unified, nor does it make a relationship right that is wrong. Ultimately it only makes it more difficult on a couple if one cheats, does the other wrong, cannot support the other financially, etc. Allowing marriage to be a solution for loneliness, physical needs, or a proper fulfillment of one's religion creates the basis of why divorce rates are so high.

Many religious people marry very young in order to have sex quicker because the wait is excruciating (( because our bodies are made to have sex)). The highest amount of divorces are seen within Conservative Christian families. Though Christians (who make up the majority of religious people within the States) believe living together without the context of marriage is sin. Now it is known that most couples who live together usually end their relationship whether it be in divorce after they marry, or while they are not married and still living together. It seems as though statistics are crap - that we are damned if we get married, or damned if we live together.

What does all of this mean? Should we never marry, nor live with someone in a serious relationship? Well, yes. Many people who are married or living with someone should not be doing it, and for the few that do have healthy relationships they are few and far between. Perhaps there are no healthy relationships, that all are full of some poison that serves to infect one or both parties at different times. That is usually said by people who are enabling abusers, or are abusers themselves.

That is why if we are to get married, or if we are to live with someone, we must grow to know them over a long time through many different trials thus building a solid bond that only adds some sort of enlightenment to the world. Do some people get married after dating a few months and find happiness in marriage? Yes, but I have never met one of those people.

Alright, if living together is usually not a great idea, nor is marriage, than what are we left with? Is monogamy a bad idea too? Yep. I see many bright women who think it is their life's mission to spend most of their time and energy on their significant others or s/o's (scholarly essays always involve some sort of shortened version of a commonly used word which seems to make points more valid). Anyway, instead of pursuing their own goals, these young women focus on helping their s/o's find happiness. Pimping out your time, or focusing one's social/emotional happiness on a s/o when you're young, either results in heartache, or handicaps you from reaching full development as a healthy well-adapted adult.

Is it ever safe to depend on someone to always be there for you in a way that brings you peace? I'm not sure. I don't think so, but the jury is still out. Is it safe to ever depend on someone at all? Well, what is safe? Their is a level of frustration that goes along with being in a relationship, but pain and suffering are for martyrs and Saint Theresa, and should not be a part of a young woman's dating life. Instead we should get to dance in fields, run through waterfalls, kiss to songs like "Cheerleader" by Grizzly Bear, and then do more dancing with our s/o's (if we choose to have one).

What does this all mean? No marriage, no living together, no monogamy? Yes, again. A truly healthy commitment can only be in between two people who are healthy and whole in and of themselves. One cannot commit to another unless they are committed to their self-awareness, mental and physical health, as well as their dreams and aspirations. It is impossible to give to someone what you don't have to give, or what you can't give to yourself. It takes a long time and a lot of emotional work to become committed to oneself. That is why we should not be apt to get into relationships. For if we do when our confidence is still fledgling, we are bound to get into a relationship for the wrong reasons, and find unease when we could find unity. Worse, we could attract the wrong people because we are not yet the people we want to be. None of us should jump into relationships, marriages, or living situations without spending enough time around the person to know if they are the type of people who bring out the best in us, or distract us from our life's work.

As young women, we are apt to nestle, to nurture and nest. We want to take care of others and help them in every single way. As a result we may prematurely commit to relationships and marriages that do not serve us well (either at this time in our lives, or in our entire lives) because it is a biological habit for us to connect physical intimacy with emotional intimacy, and ultimately relationship longevity.

That is why it is in our best interest to WAIT to have sex WAIT to commit WAIT to live with someone until we are sure that we are not wasting our precious time. If you are being pressured to do any of these things then you are dating the wrong people, or you do not value yourself enough to make what you want top priority.

When I say wait, do I mean for a few days, weeks, months, years, until you are married (if you get married)? Yes and no. It is best to wait until something happens when you know that you are comfortable with yourself enough that if the relationship doesn't work out, you can let the person go. That sounds absurd to wait to become more intimate until you are not afraid of losing the person, but in actuality it is about making sure you love yourself enough to not allow another person to become an important part of your life until they have done the work to do so. Anything with delayed gratification is more appreciated than something that happens quickly without work. If someone just handed you a diploma after you stepped into school you would laugh, throw it at them, and get the heck out of there. You would then proceed to enroll in a different school. The fact that you have to spend years at school in order to receive a diploma makes you want it all the more, and makes you sure that when you are about to get it you are really going to appreciate it, and you won't do anything to mess it up. Should we wait to fall in love and engage in sex after we have dated someone for the duration of an undergrad program? Not necessarily, but waiting forces you to be creative in expressing love for that person.

What if you do not want to correlate sex with love? What if the idea of monogamy, marriage, or living together all sound absurd to you, and you want to just have sex while you still can? There is danger in having a relationship outside of sex. Well that's quite true, but not what I meant. What I mean is that there is something dangerous about having sex outside of a relationship, as I mentioned in previous blogs. Though we all need a certain amount of touch to survive, and abstaining is not our natural state. If we do decide to engage in intimacy with someone outside of a relationship, a treaty usually has to be signed where both parties understand the intentions to keep someone's heart from getting smashed. Even then one or both may be lying, which no one can really plan for. So, it's simple- if we are used to not being in love and engaging in sex, our emotions don't just turn on all of a sudden if we meet someone that is worth our time and effort. Our brains and bodies do what they know best without serious re-programming. I use the word effort with great restraint as a relationship should not require huge sacrifices (such as changing our life's work, our most important hobbies, etc) or strenuous effort. Too many things in life require that sort of devotion, and our relationships should be a vacation from constant trials.

So, I can see how you may feel about what I said. You may think I am preaching complete romantic anarchy that involves a lot of chain smoking, one night stands, and a list of names which you cross off every week. In reality I'm only stating that the concepts of hesitation, patience, waiting, seeing, knowing, understanding, questioning are safer and ultimately more rewarding than fearful dating in which we are too ready to commit to a guy who actually listens to what we say. Though it may seem like these types of men are very rare, and that we should marry them/commit to them before someone else finds them. But just because a guy remembers your birthday, says nice things once in awhile, and likes to rub your back when you're tired does not give you enough foundation to build a long lasting healthy relationship on.

Young women also endure a lot of difficulty in relationships because of the promise that their mates will "change" or "be better." But no one changes. Yes we may change our interests, our jobs, maybe even our perspectives on life, but how we treat others will always remain the same. Unless of course we spend years in Tibet getting in touch with our inner self, or we live a life that demands constant emotional growth through therapy or study. But even those things seem sporadic and not long lasting unless they are done forever. In lieu of this understanding, we should not commit to others prematurely, and especially not in the hopes of an eventual change occurring within the other person.

Ultimately you may have less relationships, and spend more Sunday mornings reading in the bath than 11ams nuzzling over tea. But think of all the things you can create and the places you can go when you are not busy putting back together a relationship that was broken a long time ago. The mental energy you are left with when you are happy, or when you are with someone that appreciates you (that someone being your cute self) will be immense.

One day you may marry, you may be in a relationship, or you may live with someone for the rest of your life. I am certain that if it takes you a decent amount of time to allow yourself to partake in these things, you will be happier and ultimately be with someone who is willing to make the effort in keeping you.

All the best,

Maria
HerStory Head Editor
herstory@rider.edu

Another woman risking her life to make the world better

2009-05-07T21:00:00.001-07:00

Zimbabwe: Human Rights Defenders Under Attack - Act Now!

"History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the strident clamor of the bad people, but the appalling silence of the good people".

Martin Luther King Jr.

Dear Friends,

Today the government of Zimbabwe rearrested Jestina Mukoko and 15 others on trumped up charges of "banditry, terrorism and insurgency". The arrest follows the appearance of Jestina and her comrades before a Harare Magistrate at which they were formally indicted remanded in custody.

We cannot be silent in the face of this outrageous attack on human rights defenders. The only crime committed by Jestina Mukoko, a long time civic leader in Zimbabwe and her co-accused is standing up against tyranny in Zimbabwe and speaking out in defense of human rights and democracy. As Martin taught us, it takes the silence of good people for abuses of this nature to persist. We call upon people of good conscience all over the world to add your voice in calling for the unconditional release of Jestina Mukoko and her comrades. Zimbabwe's compromised courts cannot be trusted to deliver justice to activists who have been targeted and victimized for their principled stand on human rights and democracy. There is no chance for these activists getting a fair trial under the unreconstructed judicial system in Zimbabwe.

State agents abducted Jestina and others back in October last year and they suffered torture and abuse in secret detention. Following loud protests from activists in Zimbabwe and around the world, Jestina and others surfaced form secret detention only to be released to the notorious Chikurubi Maximum Security Prison where they were held for two more months and only released on bail as part of a political deal by parties to Zimbabwe's new inclusive government. The re-arresting of Jestina Mukoko and other activists is a shame to the new inclusive government in Zimbabwe.

We call upon you to raise your voices again in support of these human rights defenders by taking the following actions:

1. Call the Zimbabwe Embassy to the U.S.: Phone number - +1 202 332-7100
- and register your protest at the detention and ill-treatment of these human rights defenders and demand their immediate release.

2. Write to President Obama
- and ask him to pressure the Zimbabwe government to release Jestina Mukoko and her fellow activists

Click here to send a message to President Obama.

Reports of horrible conditions and abuse in Zimbabwe's prisons are rampant we therefore must act with speed to secure the release of these human rights defenders.

Please act now!

In solidarity,

Staff @ Africa Action

2009-05-02T19:24:00.000-07:00

I found an interesting article today on sexism in the movie 17 Again. I've never seen the movie, and I didn't really plan on it, but after reading this article I might have to. Has anyone seen it? Is the misogny really this apparent?

Here's an excerpt:

As you can imagine when dealing with a movie pushing right wing attitudes about sex, sexism comes right along. Dargis was right about the misogyny. Even though Leslie Mann's character comes across as much less a harpy as she did in "Knocked Up" (she has to, or we can't root for their happy ending), the rest of the movie bundles up some ugly assumptions about women. There are good girls (who are virgins or happy teenage mothers) and every other woman is a horror show, a slut and a monster all rolled into one. Michael's female coworkers are all bimbos who get promoted over him, because of their sluttiness. The wife's friend is a slut who has the crazy idea that divorced women should feel free to date, even if they have children. And of course, you have the "slutty" teenage girls who pursue young men, who are presumed to be broken and stupid besides. And even though we're told that Michael's daughter is smart and has a future, we see no evidence of this, and only know that she's a bad girl with bad taste in men, and she's only redeemed by keeping her cherry intact. Even then, her whole performance of sexual desire is treated as grotesque in and of itself, which fits with the rest of the film's horror at assertive female sexuality.

http://rhrealitycheck.org/blog/2009/04/27/girls-particularly-cautioned-separate-spheres-status-quo

"Blueberry Girl" by Neil Gaiman

2009-04-26T13:05:00.000-07:00

This is the poem from Neil Gaiman's children's book. Between the poem and the illustrations, this book is beautifully feminine, and I love the message, the wish that a mother has for her daughter.

Ladies of light
and Ladies of darkness
and Ladies of never you mind
This is a prayer for a blueberry girl
First may you Ladies be kind
Keep her from spindles and sleeps at sixteen
Let her stay waking and wise
Nightmares at three or bad husbands at thirty
These will not trouble her eyes
Dull days at forty
False friends at fifteen
Let her have brave days and truth
Let her go places that we've never been
Trust and delight in her youth
Ladies of grace and Ladies of favor
And Ladies of merciful night
This is a prayer for a blueberry girl
Grant her your clearness of sight
Words can be worrisome
People complex
Motives and manners unclear
Grant her the wisdom to chose her path right
Free from unkindess and fear
Let her tell stories
And dance in the ring
Somersaults tumble and run
Her joys must be high
as her sorrows are deep
Let her grow like a weed in the sun
Ladies of paradox
Ladies of measure
Ladies of shadows that fall
This is a prayer for a blueberry girl
Words written clear on a wall
Help her to help herself
Help her to stand
Help her to lose and to find
Teach her we're only as big as our dreams
Show her that fortune is blind
Truth is a thing she must find for herself
Precious and rare as a pearl
Give her all these and a little bit more
Gifts for a blueberry girl

No Explanation Feminism

2009-04-25T21:47:00.000-07:00

Quote from an article:

"I also realized that if Kipnis could unequivocally declare that love -- of all things, love! -- was crap, then there was nothing I couldn't say without hesitation. I stopped being the kind of pro-choicer who calls abortion a sad reality, a tragic choice, or some other such nonsense. There's nothing wrong with abortion. I also swore off the protestations and disclaimers that often come with feminism: "I swear, feminists like men! We shave! No Birkenstocks for me!" No more of that. I'm a feminist. No explanation necessary. It was freeing to leave the equivocations behind."

Source: http://www.prospect.org/cs/articles?article=radicalizing_love
Title: Radicalizing Love
Author: Jessica Valenti

The Radio

2009-04-25T20:26:00.000-07:00

I am growing to despise the radio. I have come to accept that most of the stuff on it is crap and that there are always going to be offensive songs. And with that in mind, I'm okay with at least listening to anything while I drive.

However, I am completely annoyed by the demeaning lyrics of "Don't Trust Me," specifically in the bridge of the song. If you've never heard it before, here are the specific lyrics in question:

Shush girl, shut your lips,
Do the Hellen Keller and talk with your hips.

I'm not even going to get into the rest of the lyrics, because I know that there are a lot of songs like this out there. It's just that, for some reason, this one is seriously getting under my skin! I'm annoyed that young girls are probably listening to a song that is telling them that they're better off without a voice. Is anyone else bothered by this one? Any other songs that bother you for the same reason this one annoys me?

Poem on abortion

2009-04-24T13:22:00.001-07:00

The Mother

Abortions will not let you forget.
You remember the children you got that you did not get,
The damp small pulps with a little or with no hair,
The singers and workers that never handled the air.
You will never neglect or beat
Them, or silence or buy with a sweet.
You will never wind up the sucking-thumb
Or scuttle off ghosts that come.
You will never leave them, controlling your luscious sigh,
Return for a snack of them, with gobbling mother-eye.

I have heard in the voices of the wind the voices of my dim killed
children.
I have contracted. I have eased
My dim dears at the breasts they could never suck.
I have said, Sweets, if I sinned, if I seized
Your luck
And your lives from your unfinished reach,
If I stole your births and your names,
Your straight baby tears and your games,
Your stilted or lovely loves, your tumults, your marriages, aches,
and your deaths,
If I poisoned the beginnings of your breaths,
Believe that even in my deliberateness I was not deliberate.
Though why should I whine,
Whine that the crime was other than mine?--
Since anyhow you are dead.
Or rather, or instead,
You were never made.
But that too, I am afraid,
Is faulty: oh, what shall I say, how is the truth to be said?
You were born, you had body, you died.
It is just that you never giggled or planned or cried.

Believe me, I loved you all.
Believe me, I knew you, though faintly, and I loved, I loved you
All.

Gwendolyn Brooks

Women's Health

2009-04-23T17:51:00.000-07:00

Hey guys, I've been interested in the marketing scheme thats been going on recently: products geared toward women's health.
I've been totally sucked in by this, I now own a multivitamin geared toward women's health and eat nutrition bars marketed toward women's health.
What opinions do you guys have about this kind of stuff?
I'm absolutely in love with it, even if it is a clever marketing scheme...
I wanted to share with you my favorite women's health product: Luna bars! (http://lunabar.com/)
Post your favorite women's health product in the comments ;)
Webmaster,
Kat

Her Heart/ Bed are Pure As Snow: The Purity Lie

2009-04-22T18:56:00.000-07:00

I came across this interesting article on nerve.com that has me a bit outraged. My small response and synopsis follows, along with a link to the article in its entirety.

Amongst the religious and sometimes non-religious, there is a popular slogan for young women which is to "stay pure." There are numerous groups, religious ceremonies, and lots of religious cultural prompting for young women to focus their moral identity on whether or not they have sex. Growing up Christian, I thought it was a girl's duty to remain sexually inactive until marriage, in order to better serve her husband. It seemed the mark of a strong, Godly woman: sexual purity and the denial of sexual desires. However, what has me angry at the moment is that these institutions who are trying to promote "God-like" or "clean" behavior are belittling women by putting their worth on whether or not they remain virgins until marriage (expecting that they want to get married).

Many young girls wear their "purity" proudly, as if it defines them as strong women, which only brainwashes them into believing that their worth is completely connected to their sexuality. This undermines girls' understanding of their bodies. It first makes them feel guilty for having sexual desires, and then makes them feel worse if they act on these sexual desires.

By trying to keep women safe from unwanted pregnancy and emotional angst that comes with unsafe/stupid sex, society and religion only serve to sexualize women by allowing their sexuality to be 1.) a public spectacle 2.) open for discussion 3.)a means for labeling women "impure" or "pure" simply due to whether or not they have sex. What this does is allow guilt in young women to alienate them from their peers and their family that expect them to not be sexually active. Not only does it alienate girls from others, but it also could make them compulsively run to sexual behaviors, because that which we are ashamed of is usually done compulsively.

A beautiful heart and mind are said to go along with a low libido. I thought only the media objectifies women, but religion does as well.

Source: The Purity Myth

Maria

Poetry pieces soon to be song

2009-04-21T08:59:00.000-07:00

You don’t know what it feels like
To have you
my ocean
That I’ve bathed in every day
Since August
Swallow me whole and and only feel Bad
cause’ I asked you to.

One sleepy tear escapes
While you’re sleeping with someone new
It glides down her hair past her shoulders
Onto her arm around her wrist to the tip of her finger
Into your belly button
That still holds my thumb print.

M.

Breaking Up

2009-04-12T05:26:00.001-07:00

At the HerStory premiere I mentioned how HerStory was created for celebrating all moments of a woman's life; from the darker moments to the lighter moments, and all the moments in between. HerStory is about appreciating everything that occurs in our lives which allow all things to become a balm to our hearts. By looking at circumstances, and accepting them whole heartedly, we allow them to teach us lessons, and grow us, instead of humiliating us into hiding away from the world. Appreciating all occurrences simply looks like feeling them to the bone, and not running from the joy, sorrow, peace, chaos they bring us. If we don't fully feel this moment, we are doomed to repeat it, or simply not retain all the nutrients from it.

Something I have not talked about, though I see it as usually a cornerstone to the college experience, is breaking up, and doing it respectfully vs. cruelly. I think college has this reputation for being really cool, and for giving us the permission to rotate people in and out of our lives, and beds, as if people are simply game pieces. I spoke a little on this, on the encouragement the college life gives you to be "sexually free" (meaning not emotionally attached to your sexual partner), and then to have numerous sexual experiences in order to "truly live." But are these motto's truly worthy of our actions? What is the result of this sort of living?

One way in which these beliefs manifest in our lives is through the utilization of drugs. I'll explain the connection in a minute. First we can think about why do people binge, stay up all night, party really hard, wake up in their own vomit? There has to be something that everyone is trying to cope with, and in order to not feel the weight of pain, we turn to substances and a lot of sexual experiences to distract us from what our hearts are doing. Why do we have to distract ourselves? Why are we afraid to feel? Because feeling can be too much, especially when you commit one of the most offensive crimes: falling in love in college.

Why is falling in love too much? Simply because we may find ourselves without that person, and that pain can be excruciating. Therefore we try not to feel it so we can still function in every day society, still go to class, and be somewhat focused on the tasks at hand. But like I mentioned above, not feeling a break up can lead to a lot of destructive behavior.

I went to see Hamlet last night in the city, and on the walk to the theatre I saw a sign infront of a church. The jest of it was that people are living to mend themselves. Meaning all we are doing is trying to heal, trying to be okay, trying to feel good, trying to experience happiness. There's no harm in that. But in order to feel joy we have to experience fully the other side of it, and not run from it no matter how haunting it is.

If we allowed ourselves to feel what it feels to break up (with someone like your best friend), we would feel a swarm of emotions that don't stop and threaten to make you handicap from relationships forever. Before I talk about the positive ways of coping, I'm going to talk more about the negative aspects of coping because they seem to be the most rampant. We already talked about drug usage, and alcohol usage. But there is also the temptation, like mentioned above, to start viewing people as caves without meaning or feelings and therefore remove yourself from the responsibility of a.) being kind to people b.) being emotionally available to them. This can look like having a slew of one night stands, or simply not being invested (not putting your future into) another person you find, but only using them as a distraction from the one before. These options only heap on more pain to the already sore wounds, and create a numbness and emptiness where there could be joy and thankfulness.

So what can you do to cope healthily with a break up? I mean, say you do decide to be in a serious relationship in college, and not only do you invest your feelings, but you decide to be in a relationship with your best friend. This brings on a new level of pain in a break up, then if you decided to date a random joe shmo who looks nice in trousers and smells okay. I've been told that no one should EVER date their best friend, due to the fact that someone your dating should become your best friend after you are dating them. Though I think we are really forced into it. For in friendship we are usually not allowed to tell someone that we love them, we also can't press our hands over someone's heart or hold their face if and when they are precious. It's not fair, really. All I know is that for some reason when you date someone, you are automatically consenting to the fact that you a.) could lose them in most ways b.) never speak to them again with the same connection you had before. If you are smart, you will not risk losing such a valuable asset in your life, but if you're me, and a couple of others around, you will try it (a couple of times) simply due to the level of emotional intimacy you can acheive with that person.

I said I was going to talk about the healthy ways of coping, but I lied. First I'm going to talk about recognizing when there needs to be a break up, and finding the strength to do it.

I know many a girl (and guy) who goes through a lot of pain in a relationship simply because they think it's a normal part of a relationship, and also because he/she doesn't really know anything else.

Great quote that speaks on this sort of thing from must read book called The Rules: It is a spiritual axiom that when you feel someone slipping away, let them go.

He/She allows a relationship to go from healthy to possessive, simply out of fear of losing the person. This is ludicrous as a relationship is supposed to bring you to the next level of joy, rather then deepening your sorrow, and it's supposed to make you feel healthy instead of broken and crazy. Recognizing that there is continual problems, and continual pain again and again means that one or both parties has to cut off the romantic part of the relationship, and/or change drastically (which usually doesn't happen when two people are still together, biting at eachother). This does not occur with ease or joy, as one or both parties may still have emotional ties to the other in which only serve to intensify the time of separation.

What can you do if you recognize the divide, though you are too afraid to let the other person go?
It doesn't matter if you are breaking up with someone, or planning to do it, the other can sense your discord with them long before. It is better to do it quickly, and to remain true to the decision, regardless of any other circumstances (loneliness, missing the person in general, or not wanting to hurt that person because they don't want to let you go romantically). For if you change your mind, and then change it again, you are only creating more pain within the other person's heart, and your own, while your creating a multitude of memories that can poison all the happy memories. That is why many people stay in a relationship, even if they experience extreme unhappiness, because they do not want to hurt the other person, nor do they want to experience the emptiness that will prevail once they have let the other person go. Those in which are broken up with may seem more brave, or more loving, because they don't want to be out of the relationship, however they simply may just have a higher tolerance of pain and unhappiness, or a severe fear of being alone and under appreciated by everyone else in their lives.

Now, when I say do it quickly, I mean it is helpful to do it as fast as humanly possible, or you will eventually say a slew of things that are cruel and unhelpful in order to remove yourself from the romantic aspect of the relationship. For example, if you begin ending the relationship respectfully and lovingly, yet go back on your word, it will result in extreme measures that you will go to in order to end the relationship. If you continue to talk to an ex right after you have broken up with them, you both will say things that usually only kill due to the amount of pain you both are experiencing. Breaking up is difficult enough, but when it isnt really done, or only done half way, it can hurt even more and bring true dishonor to one or both people.

If you're like me, it is very difficult letting a romantic relationship go, even if you are unhappy half of the time, or recognize that the relationship isn't truly helpful to you or to the other person (You have different concepts of things people in relationship should agree on such as school, drugs, God, etc, etc, etc.) You are willing to trudge through the depths of despair to simply spare the other person's monetary feelings. But this "sparing of feelings" is no sparing at all because staying in a relationship that is hurting you only makes you untrustworthy to the other person as they can tell, in one way or another, that you are forcing yourself to be content with the relationship. No one wants to feel like they have to convince the other person to love them, but if you are in a position where you don't want to be, you force the other person into the role of "woo-er" simply because you're not 100% in it anymore.

Breaking up can be explained quite well through many quotes in the play "Hamlet", which was so beautifully delievered last night. Hamlet laments over Ophelia's death, "Forty thousand brothers could not with all their quantity of love make up my sum." This is a natural feeling for one or both people in a break up, and this can easily drive one or both people mad by its significance. What do people do with these feelings that don't automatically evaporate simply because you decide that being in a romantic relationship is not healthy for you both? I'm not quite sure. I'd like to say they ease with time, though I've known people who feel even more intense about significant others AFTER they have broken up with them. They think of all the ways they could have loved them better, and they fix their thoughts on lists of actions they might have taken to preserve the relationship. For the positive memories you shared seem to be hanging in time that is unreachable, yet still very much alive in your mind's eye. What a torturous part of existing! I'd like to say that if the love is healthy, and if only one or usually both people need to mature in order to better love the other, then the love relationship would continue eventually. Though that could be something we all say in order to console ourselves from the ending of something that was very much real in our lives.

Earlier in the play, before the death of Ophelia, Hamlet is outraged with her. He throws her around the room, slams her on the stage, shakes her and spits at her. This is because she has wronged him. He finds his actions suitable because he feels that she did something first that roused his anger. Later he cooly holds her hand, "This prologue is brief, like a woman's love." I have never heard a more cutting statement in my life. Well I probably have, but this is a very effective line in the play, and an understanding of relationships in general. It is a horrible feeling to know that someone loved you, who no longer loves you in the same way they did before. Or to think they are still capable of loving you in the way they used to. Can we actually fall out of love with someone? Is that why breaking up is so difficult because perhaps feelings are still there, though the reality that the feelings are not helping anyone, is also there? That is why it is best to not string someone along simply because you feel like you are still in love with someone, even if they are not the person you thought, or you feel like you shouldn't be in a relationship with them.

Also, if you are looking to not tear the person in a million pieces, it is best to listen to Shakespeare again when he says, "Brevity is the soul of wit." If you decide and then change your decision to break up with someone, you are bound to give reasoning that is needless and only painful in order to better explain why you believe a relationship is not healthy for you at the present moment. You will say things that are simply dishonorable, that you can never retract. That is why it is best to not give someone a fifteen minute speech of why you feel you shouldn't be in a relationship with them, but to make it simple and kind. Again if you do this sloppily you will create needless pain in you and your friend, and again not only change how that person views you (for good), but also deal with your own guilt that no one can absolve but yourself.

I was thinking the other day about my body, and how it's the only thing I can trust to get me to places, but it also doesn't always come through for me. This feeling in which our words, thoughts, and actions don't always help situations is embittering and can lead to depression if we don't feel the weight of these disturbing realities.

So, what does feeling the weight mean? What does it look like? For both people involved in a break up (well, in my recent experience) it can feel completely and utterly humiliating, and quite deflating. That is why a lot of people don't allow themselves this sadness or emptiness, because of what it does to their actions. For example, you may find yourself driving without your headlights on, and being pulled over by the cops who think you're drunk, when simply, you're heart broken and you didn't realize they were off because you were busy feeling like shit (but that is not a good excuse, supposedly). You also may hug your friends too long, or find that parting with them for only a couple of days is too painful and that you need someone to call at 3am in the morning, still. You may also cry when food shopping, and write down really bad poetry. If you are able to keep yourself from any sort of substance, you may also find yourself replaying your actions and words, the good and bad, over and over until you can't anyalze yourself anymore or your heart and head might explode (which wouldn't help anything in the long run). I warn against substances (sex, alcohol, drugs, food, or the absence of it) because it can prolong the pain, and all of this head stuff that happens that allows us freedom from the pain of the feeling that we're losing some world that we created with this person. You may talk to your friends about the complete Neandrathalic behavior of your ex, and find that you are completely dignified in all (or most of your actions). You may cringe over what your ex's friends and family are saying about you, and how they might be right. If you're dignified you don't utter a word of meanness about them, which in case you are better than most people. Either way hopefully you have the gift of loved ones that listen to you, and will fight for you if only in speech. You will probably call, text, or e-mail this person apologies, or other probably unhelpful things that will only further intensify your missing for this person. Hopefully you can eventually stop it and let the quiet permeate between you that will hopefully pave the way for a new relationship that doesn't require any of the old pain. You will not want to listen to good music that makes you happy, or sad, or anything at all, but only music that is stupid and frivolous and doesn't require you to think, or to feel a thing (like Madonna's 80's tunes). You may watch too many movies, or not get enough sleep, but eventually you let yourself be happy again, and figure out what that looks like when it doesn't require a relationship with anyone outside of yourself. Hopefully you do not deny the friendship with that person, as you may be letting go one of the most valuable relationships you will ever have. But we all have to do what we have to do in order to survive. You write hate mail, and you really believe it, and you hate yourself for believing it but knowing that you would take the person back immediately if things were different. You hate yourself. That's a big one. Whether you are breaking up with someone, or being broken up with, you still hate yourself for not being congruent and consistent in your actions in some way, for either lying to yourself, to that person, or saying or doing things you wish you hadn't. This is inevitable and only stops with work towards self forgiveness, healing, and whiskey (okay not so much whiskey, usually). You think of all the millions of things that you love about that person, still, that you're not willing to let go just yet. That you might eventually, but you don't want to as you feel living without loving those things would just be a stark half life that would make you nauseous in the morning and inconsolable at night. And finally, you cry, you cry like hell and you don't tell anyone most of the time, and you slam walls and get angry. For the person you would go to when you cry like this is unreachable at the moment, for you both are broken up indefinitely. You wonder whose going to notice your snort, or ask you how you feel about your father's words, or gasp for breath after listening to one of your songs swooning as if you're something huge (they think you are, or at least used to). You think this space in your life is going vacant, and you don't want anyone else to take it at least not within the next ten years. Just like in grieving over the death of a loved one, you try to learn how to see things without them, and go without the usual daily banter that you are used to. Hopefully this is not the end of your ties with this person, but only the beginning of a healthier life together in the future.

Maria

http://www.myspace.com/benandbrunomusic

Other advice on breaking up.

Pre-Marital Sex

2009-04-05T05:57:00.000-07:00

Currently I'm staying with my father as I find a good place to live. He lives in a tiny little town with an elementary school down the street. When I arrived home last night the local hooligans were sitting around a fire on the side of my father's apartment complex. They were being rowdy, and they decided to blast Kid Rock. I shook my fist at them as I made my way up the stairs to my father's apartment. As I tried to fall asleep that night their laughter pierced my drowsiness and I was relieved to know I didn't have to call the police myself as I could see their flashing lights on my window. Hoping that they were patting them down and bringing them into jail, so there would be no more sleepless 11pms. I fell asleep comforted by the gentle thoughts of jail. The next morning (fifteen minutes ago) I awoke to the wondrous sounds of churchbells. First I did not believe they were churchbells but some figment of my imagination. For I have simply never awoken to churchbells before, and they seem to only fit the dead when they are entering heaven's gates. I decided I had to go outside so I wondered onto the porch with my house coat on and stood literally in awe of the morning, with its bells on and sunshine and gentle breezy breath. I'm sure I looked like a dazed old woman who didn't take test her blood sugar levels yet. I'm soon to head for a walk because my body hardly remembers what sunshine and warm breeze feels like. But before I do, I want to speak about pre-marital sex, how it fits into my morning (very marginally), and what it looks like for a new feminist such as yourself.

Pre-marital sex of our hippie mothers (or their wild friends as they'd like us to think), was full of "free love" meaning everyone was encouraged to change sex partners as much as they changed their flower power socks. Independence and enlightenment came through not being tied down to an accepted form of sexual relationship (marriage), and instead creating one's one idea of a relationship that did not "inhibit" either parties. The college crowd was especially confident in this new form of socially accepted relationship.

Is this what relationships and sex mean for the feminist today? Are we still encouraged to sleep with whomever we want, and either commit or not commit to them at our leisure? Is it still a mark of an independent savvy woman to be promiscuous? I have read and heard many a "empowered" woman say that we must be like men in the way we approach sex. We must not view sex as a promise for a future of commitment together, but simply a way to get our rocks off or more nicely put, our needs met. I would like to debunk this ridicilous concept once and for all. Not only does it create a negative understanding of man's ability to bond through sex, but it also encourages a woman to feel inadequate in her healthy desire for an enduring commitment in a relationship that includes sex.

When a woman has sex, the chemical that her brain creates when she breast feeds, oxytocin, starts pumping through her bloodstream. As a result she wants to nurture, and be nurtured. This chemical doesn't simply wear away after sex, but continues to pump through her bloodstream days later creating feelings of wanting to nest indefinitely with her partner. If she has sex and is not in complete harmony with her partner, she can easily feel rejected, empty, or dirty. This is because without the constant flow of this chemical (caused by not regularly having sex), her hormones will be throwing a wild party and wreaking havoc on her mental state. That is why a one night stand is only rubbish as it allows for the beginning of intimacy without the relationship behind it that ultimately stabalizes both parties' mental health. I include men in this because it is important to a man to give and receive sexual pleasure as it helps solidfy the intimacy that him and his partner share. I find a difference to be that usually women find verbal communication as the proof of a strong relationship, while men generally find the ability to give and receive physical pleasure as the ultimate proof that they are in a long lasting relationship. If a man experiences a one night stand he can have the haunting thoughts that he was not good enough (because he will never know). Of course there are execptions in this rule, when these roles are completely reversed or do not exist at all.

But with proceeding as if these roles do sometimes exist, for a man and a woman to not have their sexual identities strengthened through a consistent and long lasting relationship, both suffer the results. Men may not not receive regular genuine affirmation that they are good lovers (they may feel inadequate), and women do not receive the feeling of oneness with a partner if everyone is constantly playing musical beds.

What does this mean? That we should never have sex with someone unless we're sure we want to be with that person for a long time? Maybe. Does that mean we should only have sex in marriage? Anais Nin (one of my most favorite feminists) would roll over in her grave if she heard me say that people should save sex for marriage. But in actuality a long term relationship where both parties feel secure in their love for eachother without the fear of one person walking away, only strengthens and intensifies sex. Knowing your partner inside and out, and not being afraid to express any desire or thought that comes from a long term relationship also strengthens sex. That may mean marriage for some, but others may be able to skirt around this by pledging themselves to a relationship that may not include marriage but includes the trust that surronds it. But, that brings on another truck load of issues that includes insecurities, and the chance that you may be in a sexual relationship with someone that you are actually not compatible with on different levels. One of my favorite poets, John Donne, said "You cannot love someone unless it is spiritually, physically, intellectually, and emotionally." I would take this one step further and make "loving someone" include having good sex with someone. If you're having sex with someone that you are not in a secure consistent relationship with, there leaves a lot of places where you both may not be compatible thus leading to heartache for one or both parties.

In college years a lot of us fall in and out of love. Since we are building our identities, and learning how to have confidence in ourselves despite our shortcomings, we may not be the people we will be five years down the road. That means our confidence may just be budding when in the future we will have fields and fields of good self-esteem to appreciate. As a result, we may be attracted to people who may not be all that great for us, simply because we don't think we are all that great. We may have sex with people who will ultimately not be emotionally available to us after time sets in. That is why it is safer to share sex with someone in which you have been with in a long term relationship, and who has been there for you in a consistent way that has brought you a lot of joy and peace. For if you settle, and settling is what a few of us do when we don't know ourselves well, the sharing of sex will only make you more vulnerable to emotional pain.

Being a feminist means allowing yourself to be happy. Without the trust of a healthy relationship that only consistently adds to your life, your mind, your dreams, your mental health, sex can be painful at best. Some form of respect, kindness, or thoughtfullness must occur for a healthy woman to be happy in bed. This should include that usage of a condom, and the removal of pressure to perform or act a certain way. By having sex with a random stranger, or someone you are not sure you want to be with in the long term, you are risking a lot. As this person may or may not want to use a condom (putting you in an horrible position), and they may disrespect you by ignoring you. One of the most horrible and humourous things I have ever heard is about a woman who was having sex with someone when she had an interesting realization: "When we were having sex he was really into it, but he wasn't into me. I mean if I got up and walked away, but left my vagina, he probably wouldn't have even noticed."

I know of a woman who had sex with someone, yet she felt it was premature, or ultimately somehow she knew her and her partner weren't compatible. She said she cried while they were having sex, but he did not realize it. No one should have to deal with tears of pain in the bedroom!

But what about the argument that sex is good for you? That the more the merrier? In essence good sex relieves stress by lessening the amount of cortisol that is pumped into your bloodstream. It makes your menstrual flow lighter and shorter. It also makes you live longer, feel happier on a daily basis (gets sertonin pumping through your bloodstream), and strengthens and tones your muscles. With all the pressure that college students are under, it makes sense (almost) that everyone easily goes to bed with eachother, and changes partners quickly and effortlessly. Everyone needs to release themselves of the daily intense stresses that weigh us down. And sex is probably still the easiest, and most favorite stress reliever on college campuses. One of my favorite artists Jenny Lewis sings in Melt Your Heart: "What's good for your soul will be bad on your nerves if you reverse it." Good sexual encounters do not always occur within a loving relationship, but ultimately they can make you feel dead as you are being underappreciated if you're having only good sex with someone without them recognizing all of the other wonderful things you bring to the table. It is possible to feel alive in body, but dead in spirit. This is not only if you believe that you have a soul, or that other people have souls. For ultimately no one can deny feelings of emptiness and deadness if they are sexually involved with someone they do not love, or they know does not love them. There is a numbness and zombie like eyes that go along with this disconnect. Also, with the extra time in college sex seems to be the most fun pasttime, and usually the least expensive (depending on what you're into, or the frequency in which you need condoms). In "Melt Your Heart" Lewis sings, "Are we killing time,
or are we killing eachother?"

Does that mean college students should never have sex outside of marriage? Not entirely. We should be very choosy in who we have sex with so we do not have to endure needless pain that goes with feeling used or underappreciated in one night stands or within shallow monetary relationships where one or both parties aren't really invested.

More of my favorite lines of Lewis' song,
"When you're kissing someone
who's too much like you
It's like kissing on a mirror
When you're sleeping with
someone who doesn't get you
You're gonna hate yourself in the morning."

No one should wake up with self hatred. I mean if you're an emo guy with girl pants on it might work for a short time in selling a couple of records, however for the majority of us we should be happy waking up in the morning without shame or emptiness.

So, how does this all tie into my morning? (Review the beginning of this blog to remember what in the heck I'm speaking about). Well, I believe a lot of pre-marital sex can be like the night I had last night: frustrating, waking you up when you're trying to sleep only making you sleep deprived and unhappy. That is why we should either wait until marriage, or for a healthy monogomous and equal relationship where sex can be like bells on a sunday morning with sunshine and an old woman wandering around in her house coat. Maybe without the old woman, but you get the jest.

Sincerely,
Maria

The Vagina Monologues and our Facebook Group

2009-04-02T16:48:00.000-07:00

Hi! The Vagina Monogloues are this weekend which is an amazing example of the what the heart of feminism looks like: embracing your vagina! April 3, 4, 5th in the BLC theatre of Rider University. Reserve tickets ahead of time via phone or in the ticketbooth in the SRC.

Also, we have a facebook HerStory group. Join: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/group.php?gid=24418234834&ref=ts.

Maria

2009-03-31T13:40:00.000-07:00

Here's a Newsweek article titled "Generation Diva: How our obsession with beauty is changing our kids."

An excerpt:

"these days, body dissatisfaction begins in grammar school. According to a 2004 study by the Dove Real Beauty campaign, 42 percent of first- to third-grade girls want to be thinner, while 81 percent of 10-year-olds are afraid of getting fat. "When you have tweens putting on firming cream"—as was revealed by 1 percent of girls in an NPD study—"it's clear they're looking for imaginary flaws," says Harvard psychologist Nancy Etcoff."

http://www.newsweek.com/id/191247/page/1

-Julie A

Sound familiar?

2009-03-28T13:19:00.000-07:00

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
That quote is probably familiar to most of us, as one of the most famous parts of one of Nelson Mandela's speeches.
When I was in London a week ago, an amazing woman enlightened me as to the true origin of this speech. Mr. Mandela actually never wrote, borrowed or even spoke this inspirational quote. It was actually from a book written in 1992 by an American woman named Marianne Williamson that I (and I assume many others) never heard of...
...and who says feminism isn't necessary these days?
Here's what I found on the subject: "The famous passage from her book is often erroneously attributed to the inaugural address of Nelson Mandela. About the misattribution Williamson said, "Several years ago, this paragraph from A Return to Love began popping up everywhere, attributed to Nelson Mandela's 1994 inaugural address. As honored as I would be had President Mandela quoted my words, indeed he did not. I have no idea where that story came from, but I am gratified that the paragraph has come to mean so much to so many people."
Check her out here and here.
~JEM

Book recommendation

2009-03-28T13:09:00.001-07:00

Hi everyone,

I just stumbled across this book: "The Next Generation: Third Wave Feminist Psychotherapy."
Here's the product description on amazon.com:

"Shape a better future with the insights of the third wave!

Is feminism still necessary? How can older feminists and younger ones find a common ground to discuss issues that affect them both? What does it mean to be a third-wave feminist? The Next Generation explores these and other issues that deeply concern feminist therapists of all ages.

This powerful book examines the psychological and cultural context of the third wave of feminism. The young feminists whose voices are heard in The Next Generation grew up in a very different world than the feminists who came of age in the 1960s and 1970s. Dialogues between older and younger feminists explore conflicting cultural images of the feminist establishment as successful freedom fighters or angry, anti-sex activists.

The Next Generation discusses the issues young feminists face, including:

the false sense that feminism is no longer necessary
the social and historic context of young women's lives
finding and sharing power in the therapeutic relationship
building healthy mentoring relationships
creating psychotherapy partnerships with adolescent girls

The Next Generation offers a fruitful dialogue between older women who remember the bitter battles for the ERA and younger feminists who take for granted women's presence on the Supreme Court. Each generation builds on the foundations of the past, and the feminist psychotherapists represented in this volume offer fresh insights and techniques appropriate for the way we live now. The Next Generation is an essential resource for therapists and feminists of any age."

And here's the link:
http://www.amazon.com/Next-Generation-Third-Feminist-Psychotherapy/dp/0789014092

Love,
JEM

2009-03-27T09:10:00.001-07:00

I found this article the other day and it blew me away. It's called "Victory Through Daughters" and talks about how girls are treated in the "Quiverfull Movement," which is "a conviction that Christian women should birth as many children as God gives them as a means of “demographic warfare." Here are some excerpts:

"children of the movement should have 'little to no association with peers outside of family and relatives' as insulation from a corrupting society. Daughters shouldn’t forgo education but should consider to what ends their education is intended and should place their efforts in “advanced homemaking” skills."

"In 2008, when California passed legislation mandating that schools teach nondiscrimination on the grounds of sexuality and perceived gender—a demand that conservative Christians quickly identified as “indoctrination”—Exodus Mandate organized a California Exodus subgroup to work together with homeschooling movement veterans, conservative celebrity Phyllis Schlafly, and Christian leaders such as Dr. Voddie Baucham, a Southern Baptist preacher, to urge California Christians to leave the public school system in droves. "

"it’s also the fruit of twenty-five years of work, he says, when parents turned their hearts to their children and began doing “many culture-defying things,” such as homeschooling their children, fighting feminism, and leading their daughters in the opposite direction of women’s lib."

And the best part:

"Model daughters of the patriarchy movement, the Botkin girls express a hatred of feminism that is pure, and they hate it in a variety of flavors most feminists wouldn’t recognize as their cause. To the Botkins, all bad women—from the seductress hoping to “subdue masculinity” with her womanly wiles and charms to vain pageant queens to career women to even conservative Christian wives who aren’t fervent enough about spiritual war—are feministic, seeking to “weaken and dominate men.”"

It's a long read, but a good one. This kind of thing scares me so much!

-Julie A.

Let's talk about the PREMIERE, shall we?

2009-03-25T18:27:00.000-07:00

So the night was an incredible success, so many people came out to support us and enjoy themselves. The performances were not only top-notch in literary and musical quality, but in their artistic explosion of facts and feelings.
I am so honored to have been there, and been a part of Herstory's big, empowered announcement to the world, "WE'RE HERE, AND WE'RE OFFICIALLY AWESOME!"
I promise there will be more in depth coverage of the event supported hopefully with videos and pictures, but for now, all Herstory can say to their loving readers and art lovers is,

Oh, how we love you.

<3Webmaster
Kat

Laura Marling

2009-03-14T22:02:00.000-07:00

I'm only going to bother you all once more,

This beautiful lady, the subject of my poem "To Laura" in the forthcoming first issue of HerStory, sang four songs and answered a humble radio host's fumbling questions in a World Cafe Live studio session on WXPN.

Please listen to her; she's brilliant. She's like dark chocolate for the soul.

~JEM

http://www.npr.org/templates/player/mediaPlayer.html?action=1&t=1&islist=false&id=99883729&m=99883726

Why haven't we heard of this yet?

2009-03-14T21:18:00.000-07:00

Everyone,

This is an incredible organization I just stumbled upon - now that I have some time to be human over Spring Break. It was co-founded by one of my idols, Simone de Beauvoir - also known as Jean-Paul Sartre's longtime girlfriend.

~JEM

http://www.sigi.org/about.html

"Worldwide concerns can no longer be addressed effectively without acknowledging the centrality of half of humanity to solving them, and without redefining what gets funded, and to what degree. The global Women’s Movement persists in its growth through desperate need and determination, but with support too small to permit the institutional development that is essential to truly invest in women.

The Sisterhood is Global Institute, an international nonprofit NGO with Consultative Status to the United Nations, is creating a dynamic fundraising engine through which the interests, advice, contacts, and support of individuals, foundations, and corporations can be collectively mobilized for greater and more cost-effective impact in building the global Women’s Movement, ensuring:

Sustained infrastructural support enabling organizations to focus on program priorities
Long-term strategic planning based on indigenous needs (rather than shifting donor-driven interests)
Grassroots empowerment resulting in a greater integration of local activism and global advocacy

Founded in 1984 by Robin Morgan (USA), the late Simone de Beauvoir (France), and women from 80 other countries, The Institute has played a leading policy-formulator, strategist, and activist role in the evolution of the international Women’s Movement for almost 25 years. "

"Mrs. Warren's Profession" review/essay

2009-03-11T08:45:00.001-07:00

Hi everyone,

I wrote a late response to McCarter Theatre's "Mrs. Warren's Profession" and emailed it to the director, who really appreciated it, so I figured I'd post it here. The play explores issues of women's work rights, social morality, and the delicate relationship between a mother and her daughter.

Love, JEM

Our social entanglements have not changed much, despite the passing of a century

“Mrs. Warren’s Profession,” one of George Bernard Shaw’s most popular plays, was performed at the McCarter Theatre of Princeton University this past January and February. Written in 1893, the play carries themes of women’s rights in a patriarchal society that even today remain controversial. The playbill includes two double-page spreads with photos of the Victorian Age and quotes, one of which reads, “The truest test of a nation’s moral conditions is the sanctity or profanity of its treatment of women.” The play focuses on the strained relationship between Mrs. Warren and her daughter Vivie while also addressing the immorality of our society for abandoning poor women to wretchedness.

Women’s work rights—still being fought over these days—are outlined in this play by the struggle of lower class women, like Mrs. Warren and her sister Liz, whose only choice was to go into prostitution when they couldn’t stand backbreaking, demeaning, underpaid and filthy labor any longer. In the playbill, the director (Emily Mann) included a short narrative on the original production of the play, pointing out that its frank discussion of prostitution kept it from being performed for years after it was written, and that everyone involved in the first American public performance of the play was arrested by the New York City Police Department in 1905. Mann states, “In a nation scandalized by our politicians’ dalliances with prostitutes and an international community overwhelmed by stories of the brutal exploitation of women in the sex trade, we still fail to examine the economic and social realities that force many women into the oldest of industries.”

In Act One, we are introduced to Vivie (played by Madeleine Hutchins), a young Cambridge-educated woman who spent her whole life learning proper Victorian respectability in boarding schools. Vivie is a pragmatist, enjoying nothing more than a day of work, a hard chair and a cigar. The first scene illustrates her character in a comedic way: Mr. Praed (Edward Hibbert), an old friend of her mother’s, comes to visit and together they await the arrival of Mrs. Warren. At first glance, the two of them seem to be caricatures—his delicacy and flamboyant taste contrasts with her powerful handshake and firm mannerisms. He persists in upholding social etiquette, bringing out the ways in which she’s “unconventionally conventional.” His dizzy surprise at her impatience with frivolous gallantry, beauty and romance is reflective of our patriarchal society’s qualms with rational, tough, independent businesswomen.

By Act Two, Vivie develops affection and camaraderie for her single, well-to-do mother based on several shared qualities. These unconventional women both believe in the gospel of work as they both like to be comfortable, self-reliant and respected. Mrs. Warren (played by the dynamic Suzanne Bertish) explains her life story for the first time to her daughter and the audience in a surprisingly lengthy monologue. Vivie sits and listens intently, engaging in the discussion honestly and rationally. Mrs. Warren appears to be completely up-front about her past and here for the first time in the play the themes of prostitution and women’s work rights (which have been hinted at but never directly approached) are brought up. After seeing her two half-sisters die or be maimed by factory work, Mrs. Warren met her runaway full sister dressed lavishly and discovered that she had made a fortune as a sex worker. Forced to choose between mortal and moral peril, Mrs. Warren chose the latter, and never looked back with regret. Vivie takes this all in as a rational, educated woman, and is unable to find fault with it. “You were certainly quite justified—from the business point of view,” she says. Mrs. Warren replies to her well-off daughter, “If you took to it, you’d be a fool; but I should have been a fool if I’d taken to anything else.”

Then the insistent Vivie demands of her mother: “suppose we were both as poor as you were in those wretched old days, are you quite sure that you wouldn’t advise me to try the Waterloo bar, or marry a labourer, or even go into the factory?” Her mother answers sternly, “Of course not. What sort of mother do you take me for! How could you keep your self-respect in such starvation and slavery?” Mrs. Warren chose the lesser of two evils—which turns out to be a brothel—and in the process turns the moral world upside down. This line is directly related to Shaw’s intention as a playwright; according to a quote in the playbill, he stated, “though it is quite natural and right for Mrs. Warren to choose what is, according to her lights, the least immoral alternative, it is none the less infamous of society to offer such alternatives.” Meanwhile, this part of the play reveals Mrs. Warren’s clear-headed logic, business sense, and spirit of perseverance. In this way, Vivie is drawn to Mrs. Warren, and even starts to feel sympathy—the beginning of love—for her mother who was so often absent.

Unfortunately, Vivie’s affection doesn’t get the chance to grow into love. When she discovers Mrs. Warren continued her profession even after she had earned sufficient money, Vivie decides to shut her mother out of her life. Their differences are exposed in their last discussion, which proves to be a scene of catastrophe for Mrs. Warren, relief for Vivie, and heartbreaking intensity for the audience watching it unfold. One of the most painful moments—revealing the horrifying trap society has laid out for women—comes when Mrs. Warren laments, “Oh, the injustice of it! the injustice! the injustice! I always wanted to be a good woman. I tried honest work; and I was slave-driven until I cursed the day I ever heard of honest work. I was a good mother; and because I made my daughter a good woman she turns me out as if I were a leper. Oh, if I only had my life to live over again! I'd talk to that lying clergyman in the school. From this time forth, so help me Heaven in my last hour, I'll do wrong and nothing but wrong. And I'll prosper on it.”

I remember getting goosebumps when Mrs. Warren’s screamed at Vivie’s relentless spite. Mrs. Warren loved her daughter so much that she gave her the best the world had to offer—when she herself had no such offer at the same age—only to be rejected and literally cast out of Vivie’s life:

MRS WARREN ...But listen to this. Do you know what I would do with you if you were a baby again? aye, as sure as there's a Heaven above us.

VIVIE. Strangle me, perhaps.

MRS WARREN. No: I'd bring you up to be a real daughter to me, and not what you are now, with your pride and your prejudices and the college education you stole from me: yes, stole: deny it if you can: what was it but stealing? I'd bring you up in my own house, I would.

VIVIE [quietly] In one of your own houses.

MRS WARREN [screaming] Listen to her! listen to how she spits on her mother's grey hairs! Oh, may you live to have your own daughter tear and trample on you as you have trampled on me. And you will: you will. No woman ever had luck with a mother's curse on her.

After all the play’s grand exploration of social vices, the intimate relationship between parent and child still shines through. The end of “Mrs. Warren’s Profession” hits us harder as we realize the real casualty of society’s corruption: the heartbreaking separation of a mother and her daughter.

More artifacts

2009-03-10T20:54:00.000-07:00

I haven't checked these sites out thoroughly yet, but they looked interesting:

http://www.smarttalkwomen.com/the-experience.php

http://www.womensworldawards.com/awards-globalhonor.asp

Also, listen to this lady:

http://www.last.fm/music/Rokia+Traor%C3%A9

~JEM

Article from the New York Times

2009-03-10T08:06:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone,

As usual, I'm collecting more artifacts than I know what to do with. Here's a really interesting and funny story about a Persian American girl's experience with Barbie.

~JEM

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/09/opinion/09khakpour-barbie.html?ref=opinion

Islamic Revolution Barbie

By POROCHISTA KHAKPOUR

Published: March 8, 2009

IN the days leading up to Barbie’s cougariffic 50th birthday — today — most everyone has had a story to tell. Mine begins in 1958 in one of the world’s oldest continuously inhabited cities, Hamedan, Iran, and it begins with my mother, then just a small girl, and Barbie’s international predecessor and antithesis: the porcelain baby doll.

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Ruth Gwily

Times Topics: Barbie (Doll)

My mother used to break her porcelain baby dolls — a luxury among her friends, who grew up with mother- and sister-manufactured rag dolls — constantly. One day my grandmother, the teacup-sized trophy wife of the president of the National Iranian Oil Company of Hamedan, took my mother to the local toy stores in search of the routine replacement. To their horror, there were no dolls to be found.

The burden was then placed on a clueless male cousin en route from Europe to bring my mother a new doll. When it arrived, the new doll was everything the other doll was not — here was a foot-long, fussy thing, half the mass and a quarter of the weight of the old clunky ceramic suckling. Some parts were molded (earrings, lashes, breasts); others simply painted on (made-up face, polished fingernails, side-scoping eyes), and the doll donned grown-lady garb. It was the German Bild Lilli doll — the prototype that Ruth Handler used to create the American Barbie in 1959 — the postwar, sugar-daddy-mongering vixen of German comic strips.

My mother’s reaction: puzzled. How do you play with this? It’s a woman, not a baby! In the end, my grandmother had to take Lilli and my mother to the store, where my mother gave her up for yet another infinitely breakable, but round and cradle-able, infant, the type my mother could more comfortably mother.

•

Twenty years later, at a time when Cher was her icon, my mother finally got Barbie. In my infancy in Tehran, I was awarded my first Barbie, a beaming blonde Malibu or SuperStar decked out in a disco metallic bikini. My mother was in love and as soon I was old enough to register playthings, so was I. From then, it was perpetual Barbie season.

Until we had to flee Iran, that is. When my family left Tehran almost overnight at the advent of the Iran-Iraq war in 1980, we left behind an entire room full of expensive toys; the casualties included my beloved Barbie posse.

The transition to another life was made easier, I think, by the realization that it was a small world, especially when it came to Barbie. On one of our first refugee days in Paris, I shrieked my family to a dead halt in front of Galeries Lafayette. There in the department store’s window display was Pink ’n’ Pretty Barbie. My mother, trying to save every penny for an uncertain future, turned to my grandmother for doll help once again. And as she had so many years ago in Hamedan, she caved. I was elated; Barbie was everywhere, eternal and universal no matter where you were ...

Once we settled in Los Angeles, I was allowed, over the years, to build up the battalion with Great Shape, Dream Date and Rocker Barbies, plus some Vettes and the Dream House. But toward the end of elementary school, Barbie started to make me feel uneasy. I started to look in the mirror. I began Sharpie-ing the hair on my Barbies black (like mine) and calling them Persian names: Bahareh, Banafsheh, Skippareh. I even attempted to “tan” Peaches ’n’ Cream Barbie’s skin for hours one day, praying for her lotion-slathered skin to turn brown like mine, which it never did. I started to realize the one thing worse than being a foreigner was being a foreigner girl.

•

Just as Barbie was coming to mean less and less to me, she was coming to mean more and more to the folks back in Iran. In the still shiny and new Islamic Republic, Barbie was spotlighted as a national threat of Jane Fonda magnitude. Wary of Western influences and her nation-corrupting pulchritude, the government battled the presence of Barbie in bazaars — the Institute for the Intellectual Development of Children and Young Adults developed sibling dolls named Sara and Dara, Muslim versions of Barbie and Ken, with headscarves and prayer books in lieu of convertibles and boomboxes. The government also raided stores that carried Barbies — but this mostly resulted in black stickers on the packaging to hide the dolls’ calamitous contours.

The battle continues to this day. Last April, Iran’s prosecutor general, Ghorban-Ali Dorri Najafabadi, warned Iranians about the culturally “destructive" consequences of importing Barbies and again promoted Sara and Dara as ace alternatives. And yet, at three times the price, and mostly a black market moll, Barbie manages to reign supreme in the Islamic Republic.

In fact, Iran may be the only place where Barbie has got that somethin’-somethin’ to capture young hearts — and apparently enflame adult minds. Now, 100 careers, 50 nationalities, 40 pets, a billion pairs of shoes, 50,000 makeovers later, Barbie came, conquered and the only place she can go is somewhere else — at least judging from her United States sales, which have been falling for years.

•

Why did my Barbies end up dismembered, naked, pierced and slashed in the toy-dregs mausoleum of dusty closet crates? Apparently girls do this, according to research from the University of Bath, as a “rite of passage.” For me though, I had additional ire — by my pre-teenage years, I felt sure Barbie was in cahoots with my mother: impossibly beautiful plus an extra dose of bossy, someone who would chase me around the house with lipstick before an “event.”

For one brief phase, though, she got me. In New York, without family, without an Iranian in sight, I took to filling myself in and out, like a coloring book. My makeup palette turned all multichromatic madness and for exercise I simply raved away at nightclubs: Patricia Field stilettos, iridescent body shimmer, sparkly hot pants and sky-high afro — all hot pink, pleather and prattle.

My mother, that summer: What have you become?

During that era, my daylight hours were all crummy cubicle life in an office where I was the sole “ethnic person.” One day, I found myself at lunch with the usual group of middle-aged, disgruntled co-workers, all women. One hairy-eyeballed my big container of dressing-less salad and Diet Orange Sunkist — either that or my gold glitter French manicure — and muttered under her breath “Persian Barbie.”

She left before I could jump out of my seat and give her the hug of my life.

Porochista Khakpour is the author of the novel “Sons and Other Flammable Objects.”

Article on HerStory

2009-03-06T21:50:00.000-08:00

HerStory special on Rider.edu

Quotes from an article on Highly Sensitive People by Dr. Aron

2009-02-28T12:17:00.000-08:00

HSP's always have to work on their boundaries because we are so aware of other people's desires and needs and how they will suffer and therefore, we will suffer if they aren't satisfied. Women, in particular, are trained to please others.

We want to know someone well before we take the plunge, even though I also find we fall in love harder than others once we decide we love someone.

All HSP's can stumble into the mistake of trying to be perfect, because we can sense the consequences of mistakes.

Protect yourself from those who do not respect you. There is so much sexism on both sides, men towards women and women towards men, especially towards sensitive men or women. Sometimes, you can argue with people but there's a limit. So, I really advise people to surround themselves with those who have the good sense to disregard damaging stereotypes... The next point is to confront your ideas about Highly Sensitive men and homosexuality. I think that Sensitive women need to appreciate that they may be happiest with a Sensitive man and feel better as a woman. Sensitive men and women may confuse sensitivity with homosexuality for some reason.

--------------------------

--
Though I have only begun to study this, being sensitive seems to be a good thing instead of something to be ashamed of. Though I noticed depending on the company you keep, you will feel one way or another way about your ideas/dreams/feelings. You will either feel valid, or unintelligent (all of the time). This literature is triggering an understanding and tenderness in it's reader in the acceptance of one's sensitivity even through day to day life asks us to be continually harder and harder. Mistaking a callousness for strength, and an emptiness for boldness. I've noticed that many are afraid to connect with this inner gentleness, a vulnerability in them that easily connects to others on a genuine level, as well as talk about what their intuitions and feelings are. Most shy away from the concept of psychology and talking to someone about the ideas they have. Though, being in the field of psychology, I have learned that talking to a psychologist can sort of unclog the clogged drain of feelings, so to speak. It builds one's confidence in expressing themselves when they are taught to keep everything in. As if not explaining how we feel is strong or noble! It is the reverse that is noble and takes the most strength.

Maria

EQUAL PAY FOR EQUAL WORK.

2009-02-10T07:29:00.000-08:00

Picture from Americanprogress.org

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28910789/

The article above describes President Obama's support of women who are discriminated against in the workplace and receive unequal pay for equal work. The Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act has been signed by President Obama, so now women who receive discriminatory paychecks can voice their outrage and file a claim of discrimination up to 180 days after EACH discriminatory paycheck, versus the law before, which only let women file 180 days after the FIRST discriminatory paycheck.
Women will have more of a chance now, if they realize they are being discriminated against, to have their voice heard. Equality in the making.

-Kat

Sizzlin' Bizzlin' News- R RATED

2009-02-09T19:22:00.000-08:00

Hi!

So, guess what. VOX (one of the coolest clubs since The Babysitter's Club) is sponsoring The Vagina Monologues. This is one of the most saucy, fun, and important theatrical pieces to be a part of. Auditions are this Wed. night in the fireside lounge from 7-11pm. I auditioned and simply the act of auditioning has completely revived my energy to do work that protects and communicates the feminine journey. I got a kick out of it, and though there are probably way cooler chicks trying out for the play (i stopped being cool around five years ago), it was great to perform such an important monologue. Though I want to tell you all about it, I want you to come out and see it! I'll let you know when the performances are.

In other news, our opening is quickly approaching. We're excited to say that the HerStory premier will be on March 25, 2009. Should be pretty darn cool. More details will follow.

Also, my radio show for this semester is momentarily on hold as I have my hands in so many things right now, and I just can't simply prepare for a weekly show. However, I will be posting things that I wanted to address on my show. For example, I want to talk about the concept of sex/physical intimacy during college years, and what it means for a man and a woman, if it's the same, and what are the pro's and con's about it. I would like to get your fine ideas about it at herstory@rider.edu. If you make it really good, I may want to turn it into a column in the paper, so write me well mon petite chou.

Preforming the monologue tonight reminded me of a book I bought a few winters ago called "The Bride Stripped Bare," about a woman who has a perfectly splendid life though is sexually unsatisfied so she cheats on her husband (think Jerry Springer meets Virgina Wolfe.) I believe the author just confessed who she truly was, as the book was published anonymously when it first came out. What reminded me of this book was the unabashed way the author depicted what a woman needs physically, while in my monologue I auditioned with portrayed a woman who was out of touch with her physical needs in fear of extreme embarrassment. I remember wanting to rip out this part of the book and photo copy it for my girlfriends, and I probably will sometime. Not because it's should be taken as a sex bible, but simply a list of someone writing clearly and without apology about what they want. Also the following excerpt should spark interesting ideas for our sex in college blog chatting. It was a simple list of everything the main character in the book liked, and everything she did not. I'd like to build our own list of what we Rider women fancy, and what we don't. Oh sugar, I can't find the list in the book as of now so I'm going to write one with things Rider women have said to me, and things I have heard elsewhere. Once I find this neat list in the book I'll post it.

"You feel an intoxicating freedom when you're not with [your significant other], and yet you don't want them to be gone. You think of the two type of aloneness you've known recently: this wonderful, sparkly, soul-refreshing type, and the despairing loneliness that sucks the breath from your life." (Gemmell, 129).

What Rider Women Want:
Head Rubbing
Feet Rubbing
Intimate talking that doesn't involve dirty talk
Very dirty talk
To be left alone
To be possessed
To make love intoxicated numb and happy
To make love sober tired antsy
Sex that doesn't get better when one or both parties is intoxicated
Sex that is only good when intoxicated
Calling sex making love
Calling sex messing around
To tell their friends about it
To keep the details to themselves
To feel closer to their partners afterwards
To walk away from their partners afterwards
Eye contact
No eye contact
Faking orgasm
Killing the mood with honesty
To have sex with one person only
To have sex with multiple people only
To be dominated
To dominate
To be hurt
To be nurtured
To be corrected
To not be corrected
To talk to their mom's about it
To never mention any word that starts with "s" to their mother
to be respected
to be forgotten
to be remembered
To be called endearing names
To be called less endearing names
To remain innocent
To abhor vulnerability
To wear fancy underwear
To never be told or asked to wear it
To not have one body part focused on
To have no body parts focused on ("get it over with!")
Consistent touch
Hands off

I just found the list in the book! It is more graphic then I feel like posting in this stage of the game. I'll include points that will not make your grandmother blush (as much) and will allow me to sleep even if middle schoolers fall upon our page. Never mind (I change my mind often). I'm going to post everything in its entirety. Children really should not be allowed to scan the web without supervision anyway.

"What you do not want:
To suck. The smell of stale smoke. A tongue in your ear. Underwear involving g-strings or satin or leopard print or lace. The vaginal sex gone too long. A thrusting so hard that it burns, it hurts. Swallowing. Breast sucking, breast licking, breast anything. To be asked what you are thinking. For it to be pushed upon you when you're tired, grubby, not yet wet. Being pinned down. A rush to get in. A penis that's too big. Loud snorting at climax, or groaning, or any expression like "ooh yes, baby" and "c'mon." For the roll-over after the coming to be too abrupt. To be kicked out too quick.

What you love:
The arch of the foot, its bones, rake-splayed. Wide, blunt, clean fingernails, Michelangelo wrists. Cleanliness. The nape of your neck nuzzled. Your eyelids kissed. Burrowing deep under the blankets. Clothes to be drawn off slowly, in exquisite anticipation. Cold, smooth walls you are rammed against. The sound of a lover's breath close to your ear. Your hair pulled back when he's inside. Your name spoken aloud just before he comes. Connecting, a holiness fluttering within you both. Seduction that's slow, intriguing, unique, by flattery, extravagant gestures, test: poem scraps on napkins, filthy e-mails that should never be sent, love letters scrawled on Underground passes, a line composed in lipstick on your back as you sleep, written backward, to be read in the mirror; oh yes, all that."

Yow! Yow, I say. No one should settle in any area of their lives, not in their job, not at school, and not in bed.

Maria
HerStory Head Editor

HerStory Chosen for Clinton Global Initiative

2009-01-07T13:17:00.000-08:00

http://www.clintonglobalinitiative.org/

HerStory was chosen to be developed and shared nationally and possibly internationally via work through the Clinton Global Initiative. Congratulations HerStory! You make me proud :-)

Rider RUN Network Special on HerStory

2009-01-07T13:16:00.000-08:00

http://comm.rider.edu/RUNetwork/2008/11/16/rider-right-now-show-10-fall-2008/

PinkStinks

2009-01-04T17:15:00.000-08:00

http://www.pinkstinks.co.uk/page8/page8.html

Thanks to Sam Braun for the link.

This is a British-based group, but we can learn a lot from them. This site provides so much information: not only research and statistics, but also articles of interest and stories about real girls.

I've asked this before, but this site really helps show what horizons are open to us - so which issues should we tackle as a feminist group?

~JEM

Down with anti-depressants up with Animal Collective

2008-12-31T08:20:00.000-08:00

Recently I was properly introduced to Animal Collective. I had become acquainted before, but like with any new friend, I was cautious and skeptical. At first meet I thought Animal Collective was too mechanical. After the request to properly listen to Animal Collective by our managerial editor, Julie Morcate, I have officially fallen in deep dotting love. Animal Collective's music has the ability to relieve stress and pain. Similar to Zoloft without the numbing side effects. I order a dose of Animal Collective a day to keep the blues away, or at least to have something to dance in your underwear to.

Animal Collective lyrics:
http://lyricalcollective.wikispaces.com/IntheFlowers

Download album:
Ask an editor. It's technically not out yet...filthy pirates!

Movie depicting the negative aspects of medications:
Garden State

Have a happy happy new year,

Maria
HerStory Editor in Chief

Non-Christmas Christmas Song

2008-12-25T09:51:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas!

Dictionary.com Snafu

2008-12-22T11:21:00.000-08:00

vir⋅ile
/ˈvɪrəl or, especially Brit., -aɪl/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [vir-uhl or, especially Brit., -ahyl] Show IPA Pronunciation
–adjective
1. of, pertaining to, characteristic of, or befitting a man; masculine; manly: virile strength.
2. having or exhibiting masculine energy, forcefulness, or strength in a marked degree.
3. characterized by a vigorous, masculine spirit: a virile literary style.
4. of, pertaining to, or capable of procreation.

Married to Self

2008-12-16T06:05:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite poets, Mary Oliver, wrote something that has stayed with me since I was nine years old. "All my life I want to say I was a bride married to amazement, I was a bridegroom taking the world into my arms."

This has always reached me in a way that no other words have been able to find me. It captures the sense that no matter life's circumstances, there is a beautiful relationship between self and the world that cannot be broken. I like to take this a step further and interpret it as focusing on one's relationship with one's being: thoughts, feelings, strengths, weaknesses, perfections, quirks.

That's what our college years are for: learning how to adore every aspect of our lives, and our beings, without asking for a refund of some kind; without feeling the need to rewrite history.

The relationship we have with ourselves is singularly the most important relationship we will have in college. I used to court myself through monthly artist dates which I first read about in the amazing book titled, "The Artist's Way." During these dates I would pull myself away from normal activities and give my silliness some much needed nurturing. During one of these dates I found my favorite field down the street from my mother's house. I would dance in the field with my car FM radio blasting. I would yell and listen to my voice echo against the trees that surrounded the field. Sometimes the sun would fall perfectly over the field and I remember consciously swooning over the absolute deliciousness of the moment.

I need to start dating myself properly soon: flowers, chocolates, fields, and all. By flowers I mean smelling the ones at Wegmans, and by chocolate I mean chocolate covered almonds that really should only be eaten in bed.

I'm not sure why I have avoided these dates since I've started attending Rider. It could be that I've have the pleasure of meeting and conversing with some of the most intelligent vivacious people I have ever known. Quite addictive folk that deserve the world. I need to take a step back from them though so I can remember what it feels like to have the wind sweep through my sweater to my skin, and then have it curve up and around my neck. Not that I cannot experience this alongside my loved ones, it's just that it hits me deeper when I find myself running alone for no reason with my head back, and I can laugh and I can find my company to be more than enough.

I actually did that last night. I was tempted to pick up the phone to call a beloved friend, however I resisted it. I knew I had to experience walking without my cell phone being attached to my head. Instead I ran from the Moore library to my car, and I was smiling and laughing big because Rider was a ghost town. Then I brought my head back focusing on space ahead of my path, and I found another lone walker, and I was sure she thought I was insane, or maybe she started running too enjoying that wind we had last night. I hope she did.

With the understanding that courting myself is important, the following is a poem I just wrote that encompasses the sense of unconditional acceptance for my body. It's the beginning of a series of a poems that I'm titling, "Married to Self."

I hope my poem encourages you to write your own poem in which you let yourself fall head over heels for your own skin.

Morning Mermaid

And the day that I can find myself
Sleeping naked with the covers
Only working half way
Across my legs
And I can see myself
As the morning
Mermaid hair still
Full of seaweed
From all the swimming
I did in my sleep
Watching my Arms legs belly slowly
the beauty mark on my right breast
the freckles on my arm connected
equates the Big Dipper
I don't want to leave
Because I know
I’ve got all of me
This time.

HerStory Head Editor,
Maria

Sing Girl, Shoot

2008-12-13T20:32:00.000-08:00

I'm becoming enamored again by female singer/songwriters that are authentic. Tori Amos and Kate Bush, are some of my new and old favorites. There is something revitalizing about watching a woman croon something from the depth of her soul. These women perform without trying to make their song fit an audience. They also do not display a forced sex appeal. With lyrics that are unapologetic, there seems to be no fear in these women that expressing a need or desire in their songs will make them needy, that anger will make them angry.

From in the shadow she calls
And in the shadow she finds a way
Finds a way
And in the shadow she crawls
Clutching her faded photograph
My image under her thumb
Yes, with a message from my heart
Yes, with a message from my heart

She's been everybody else's girl
Maybe one day she'll be her own
Everybody else's girl
Maybe one day she'll be her own

And in the doorway they stay
And laugh as violins fill with water
Screams from the bluebells
Can't make them go away
Well I'm not seventeen
But I've cuts on my knees
Falling down as the winter
Takes one more cherry tree

She's been everybody else's girl
Maybe one day she'll be her own
Everybody else's girl
Maybe one day she'll be her own

Rushin' rivers, thread so thin, limitation
Dreams with the flying pigs, turbin blue and the drugstores too
Safe in their coats and in their do's
Yeah, smother in our hearts a pillow to my dots
One day maybe one day
One day she'll be her own

And in the mist there she rides
And castles are burning in my heart
And as I twist I hold tight
And I ride to work every morning wondering why
"Sit in the chair and be good now"
And become all that they told you
The white coats enter her room
And I'm callin' my baby, callin' my baby, callin' my baby, callin'

Everybody else's girl
Maybe one day she'll be her own
Everybody else's girl
Maybe one day she'll be her own

HerStory Head Editor,
Maria

Response to Fleet Foxes "He Doesn't Know Why"

2008-12-13T18:25:00.000-08:00

HerStory is also accepting responses to any and everything: products, movies, songs. Here is an example of what we will publish in our journal.

Some little music connects me with the
Wild girl
That I’ve put to sleep
Under layers of lists
Makes me put the beads
Back in my hair that I cut out
And I find the grass that I used
To whistle in the mid afternoon
Sun
And with every hit
Of my hip I come back
And with ever sway of my legs
I fall flat
At the feet of my old oak tree
Simply because she wants me
And I have nothing better to do
But count her leaves.

HerStory Head Editor,
Maria

What happens when we get the funding for HerStory

2008-12-12T06:34:00.000-08:00

On December 3, 2008, on the brink of the ferocious land of finals, I stood infront of the finance board of Rider University, and declared HerStory worthy of production. They said "yes" and I said, "right on," and this video is the aftermath.

Slam Poetry

2008-12-11T16:20:00.001-08:00

Sam Braun sent me the link to this amazing poet. I got chills just from listening to and watching this video. ~Julie

Art Reflects Life

2008-12-09T11:44:00.001-08:00

While browsing on my favorite t-shirt webstore, Threadless, I came across this design and would like to share it with all of you.
The artist is Kneil Melicano aka roadkill3d. The link to buy the shirt on Threadless is: HERE.

Makes you think...

-Kat

Warning: Potential Bondage?

2008-12-08T14:34:00.001-08:00

I remembered an article I read a couple months ago about the potential Wonder Woman movie, and I thought it would be an interesting read:

http://splashpage.mtv.com/2008/10/08/comic-writers-speak-bring-back-the-bondage-for-wonder-woman/

Basically, it's about the question of Wonder Woman's sexuality (part of creator William Moulton Marston's intention/inspiration was his bondage fantasies) in the film. How much should it be played up? What other ways could she be interesting to a modern-day audience?

Anyways, read the article and comment on it here if you'd like. What do you think is important and interesting about Wonder Woman? How do you feel about writers' comments on the importance of sexuality?

-Lacey

P.S. One of the posters on that page made a good point about one part of the article. Wonder Woman is supposed to be just as strong as Superman and any other of the strongest super heroes!

This Girl Can Sing

2008-12-08T12:51:00.000-08:00

(Photo taken from cleveland.com of Olivia Savage in the role of Tytania, photographer: ROGER MASTROIANNI)

Recently I was fortunate enough to attend Westminster College of the Arts' presentation of Mozart's "Il Re Pastore (The Shepard King)." During the unexpected and charming snowstorm of this past Saturday evening, the lights went down and the orchestra took up bow and flute, leading into the opera.
When the charming shepard ran onstage and begin to splash his face in the stream, I took note that "he" wasn't a "he" at all!
The lovely and supremely talented Olivia Savage, a first year graduate student, sang sweetly in the role of Aminta, the Shepard King. Savage's singing and acting were superb. She was dressed and acted as a man, though her voice, clearly soprano, and her beauty left no doubt of her femininity and talent.
I thought this was particularly funny since it seemed to be such an inversion of history. In older times, like in the days of Shakespeare, men often substituted the roles of women in plays. Now, in Mozart's emotional opera about a poor shepard elevated to the status of King of Sidon, a woman plays the king.
How do you like that? ;)

-Kat

Comic book women

2008-12-07T09:31:00.000-08:00

Hey there! I'm Lacey, Managerial Art Director of HerStory and one of our resident comicbook geeks. As one of very few females with such and invested interest in comics and video games, I will probably try to focus most of my posts here on these areas.

Here's a picture of the DC Comics character Kate Spencer. She's become one of the main characters of the series Birds of Prey. Prosecuter by day, she turns into a violent vigilante by night, punishing and even killing the guilty who have slipped through the system. Kind of similar to Marvel Comics' Daredevil so far as her day job and mission, but she doesn't suck quite so much as a character (and I doubt they're making a crappy movie starring horribly untalented Ben Affleck). She's a badass. Anyway, to the point... her vigilante name... Manhunter. hah

And here's Jennifer Walters, a.k.a. She-Hulk, a creation of Marvel Comics. While the original Hulk, Bruce Banner, gets meaner and uglier, her transformation apparently only gives her an even more flawless body. Hm. On the brighter side, she doesn't become a mindless idiot like Bruce. She's one smart, crime-fighting woman.

P.S. I love Wonder Woman, but I do want to bring up a qualm I have with the character. I find it funny that the first hugely popular female comic book character happens to be a princess. On the one hand, I think it's great that this is one princess that isn't a damsel in distress. On the other, I still wonder why she needed to be a princess at all. Is the idealized female, even in a comic book, a beautiful princess, all prim and proper?

Coming Home

2008-12-07T06:51:00.000-08:00

One day I started chasing the wind through the trees

Pass the park through the dark

Inside the leaves

And when I found the wind

he was kissing on

Some tree so I got up and started

Chasing me

And I’ve been running ever since.

HerStory Head Editor,
Maria

Evolution

2008-12-06T15:37:00.000-08:00

Hey, all. Marla here! Wanted to say hello and show you something that I think is pretty self-explanatory.

Love.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbb8D-u8ues
"Evolution" by Dove

Upcoming Radio show with HerStory Editor in Chief

2008-12-05T19:19:00.000-08:00

Do get your little ears ready for a new radio show next semester at Rider University 107.7 The Bronc. We're going to sit down and discuss the silly, the stupid, and the succulent as it pertains to relationships.

Fridays 6:00-7:00pm starting February, 2009.

HerStory Featured on Rider Website

2008-12-05T18:06:00.000-08:00

HerStory article on Rider University website, yo.

Great Women

2008-12-04T21:46:00.001-08:00

Featured story on nytimes.com

http://theater2.nytimes.com/2008/12/05/theater/reviews/05liza.html?hp

Tis' The Season To Be Broke

2008-12-03T21:30:00.000-08:00

Christmas is peeking her delicate head from around the corner, and I'm not too keen on seeing her come. In early November, when my grocery store set up darling Christmas lights, I almost threw up in my mouth. This is because a.) life is rushed so darn fast and just when I'm realizing what's happening the moments become the past and b.) The only thing that Christmas symbolizes is the American twenty dollar bill. We might as well replace our Christmas trees with giant money blown up from an elaborate money enlarging machine. Christmas is about family, and about love, and about "what you got me," and about "why you didn't get me the thing that I asked for," and the "you must not love me if you didn't have to sell your first child to purchase my Christmas present."I become so disgruntled when I am presented with the obsession of gift giving and getting, that I want to slap people with candy canes. Even better, I find myself desiring to get under my covers and watch re-runs of The Wonder Years, eat popcorn, and keep Christmas on the outside of my room for as many years as possible. This interesting though mostly crazy thought occurs because of how we have twisted the concept of gifts. We call gifts gift cards, Ipod covers with extra bling, silver necklaces with our names, ties. Does the world really need a Christmas full of more ties?

The real gifts are:
watching your significant other cook breakfast in their underwear
smelling patchouli when you hug someone
counting the hairs on someone's arm
making a baby laugh really hard by making noises
Letting the salt of your sweat run down your face in the shower
the first bite of a strawberry
the second bite
the third
listening to someone's laughter from down the hall, closing your eyes, feeling as if you're taking part in a baptism.
Your hair that curls or flattens from the heat.
Waking up to your own warm body in the morning.
Someone saying they love you for the first time.

Ok no I lied. Can anyone get me my mother's first cheerleading uniform when she was captain?
Or my sister's first guitar when she was fourteen?
Or my brother's first bike(s) that he crashed and replaced frequently?
Or my father's worn Bruce Springsteen albums?
Or the way the sky looks at you, adoringly, for no good reason at all?
If no, then I don't need a darn thing.

So for Christmas let's all just make a fort made out of blankets, and read books.
I would love that.

HerStory Head Editor,
Maria

Thank You- Cont'd

2008-11-26T11:39:00.000-08:00

This lady is thankful for . . .

1. My mother not having to carry the thanksgiving turkey by herself to her shopping cart, for the first time in her life (the man she is in a relationship with carried the turkey for her!)

2. Not losing people close to me when I express my needs and how I need them to be met.

3. Being invited.

4. Being uninvited.

5. Long, ridiculous and prolific phone conversations past 10pm.

6. My executive board always thinking of new ideas, and ways to implement them.

7. Enlightening conversations with Rider professors.

8. Meeting, loving, and releasing one of the most academically intelligent people I will meet (being wiser because of that entire process.)

9. Doing reiki on myself and others.

10. Still learning to find the balance between academics and relationships (if there is one).

11. Not crying in bed.

12. Crying in bed.

13. Walking by rivers without my sweater, daring myself to jump in.

14. Holding onto some of my ideas even when they are wildly opposed.

15. Starbucks

16. Patchouli scented clothing.

17. Not having time to scratch my nose.

18. Understanding my attractions, and no longer being enslaved by them.

19. Saying yes.

20. Saying no.

21. Saying hold on.

22. Accepting peoples' decisions, and not wasting energy trying to change their minds.

23. Smiling instead of weeping at certain thoughts.

24. Socks pulled up to my knees.

25. Translating "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas" into mock german opera, while driving in my car.

26. Latin dancing in the dorms.

27. Ignoring creepsters and loving gentle souls, not vice versa.

28. Trying to not curse like a sailor all semester then accidently saying the "f" word while on the phone with my highly religious father, and his suprisingly gentle reaction.

29. Allowing nothing to be the end of the world.

30. Not wasting time with not so great people simply because I need to be held.

31. My space heater.

32. Learning the art of moving slow.

33. Eskimo kisses.

34. The space between the neck and the ear.

35. Squirrels guarding the trash cans at Rider.

36. breathing deeply

37. Laughing so hard that I almost spit my lungs out.

38. Always meaning to paint my nails blue again.

39. The ducks at Rider that huddle and waddle together when it's cold and dark.

40. Video messages on facebook.

41. Jumping on the couch in the girl's bathroom at Rider then jumping off when someone enters.

42. Woman next to me in the library watching a youtube of "american idol" saying aloud to herself, "Aw heyyl no"

43. The quote "wild women never get the blues," from magnet from Whole Foods, it has a picture of elderly women having a jolly good time, getting jiggy, etc

44. organic body soap from whole foods that smells like rosemary

45. Running from the library to my car for no apparent reason, like forrest gump sorta

46. Contemplating for more then a month the pieces to put in a hand made collage for my wall

47. meditation

48. My father asking me what my favorite class is.

49. paula abdul, just kidding

50. Did I mention how wonderful the executive board of HerStory is? Well they are.

51. pale blue eyes.

52. chocolate eyes.

53. hands.

54. softness.

55.dance parties with micheal j.

56. mary oliver

57. tag/soccer/screaming with five year olds

58. being ready

59. not being ready and taking my time for a long time

60. eyebrows (sorry whoopi)

61. noses

HerStory Head Editor,
;-)Maria

Bust!

2008-11-25T11:57:00.001-08:00

I discovered this crazy awesome magazine through their risque and chick-tacular webstore. Its called BUST magazine, and it has everything a chick needs. Info about politics, fashions, famous women and lady events happening all over. They always have blogs on their homepage that are noteworthy, and their forums are a pretty cool place to explore.
LINK TO BUST MAGAZINE!
LINK TO BUST's WEBSTORE: The Boobtique!

Also! A very funky magazine I've discovered, which I think is less feminist-centric but still cool-> NYLON Magazine. They make it a point to discuss art, fashion, music and culture. LINK TO NYLON MAGAZINE!

Love, your Webmaster.
*cracks whip and rides into the sunset*

2008-11-25T10:53:00.000-08:00

Hi!
I'm Kat, your sassy Webmaster. ;D
Let's play a game, shall we? I'm going to put up five fun facts about me, and you can comment with some facts about YOU! Herstory staffers, authors, artists and anxious future readers, everybody play!
1) I am a bibliophile. My brother and I have an extensive library amassed, and if you'd like to recommend anything, I'd be overjoyed to read it. I love fantasy/supernatural and Victorian-era novels!
2)I love alternative, indie and experimental music! Favorites of mine are Patrick Wolf, Interpol, AFI, M.I.A, the Deftones, and A Perfect Circle.
3)Halloween is my FAVORITE holiday. Some costumes I've worn in the past: Sirius Black, a Queen, Batgirl, Snow White, Zombie, Vampire, Spiderella... (tell me about costumes you've worn!!)
4) I love superheroes! (im not as obsessed as some, but i still love them <3) My favorite is Batman... and I also LOVE the X-Men. (Gambit & Wolverine are the best![and dont be giving me any of that "gambits not in the x-men" thing! :D])
5) I'm a huge nerd!! (if you couldn't notice!)

I can't wait to read your fun facts <3 If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me through the comments.

Window of Oppurtunity

2008-11-24T19:08:00.000-08:00

If he didn't hold her right then,
she would change her mind.
She told him that it wouldn’t be right and the little window of opportunity
closed suddenly, like the first frost. All the sleeping and the leaning and nudging and shaking and rubbing and breaking would only bring him down. She was just not his type. She spent hours upon hours talking in code with him and all the running in the rain was really good. Good and nice even. She didn't remember the last time she let rain run on her face hard. All the laughing and telling secrets with hushed tones and everything was one degree less then perfect, but honestly she knew she shouldn’t keep him. It was obvious that he loved her with this love that comes around and stays when she is cramping and when she is under her covers or when she has toothpaste foaming at her lips in front of the bathroom mirror. As she watched her gray eyes as she brushed her teeth she just couldn’t see him next to her with his toothbrush and messy night time hair. She just wouldn’t have it because she knew that he would follow her to the lowest place she would crawl, and she would crawl quite low and he would call to check up and just say hello. “Why what are you doing way down there, peach?” She was not his peach, not his field. She would talk until she forgot what she was saying, what she was even meaning but he would still sit with his chin on his palm. She knew men like him before, yes she knew their number. Non-smokers that were never fired from a job with gentle souls that believed deep down that they could find her. When honestly it wasn’t her they were searching for; just another soul to clean up and take care of. She had once known their gentle hands that talked like snow and eyes that were never tired, ever. Too kind, too soft, too good. No, no she was not good for him. No, no not at all.

;-)
HerStory Head Editor,
Maria

Note: I like this piece of writing, though I am a slightly biased since it's my own. Why I like it coupled with the video and picture is that it celebrates women in all forms, through all days, at all hours, not just during the pretty and powerful times. And that is the heart of HerStory.

It's nice to see the female leading, the male backing up for once

2008-11-23T22:37:00.000-08:00

She's just great. And she doesn't need long, luxurious hair or loads of make-up to be beautiful.

How many times have you heard your classmates groan over having to read poetry in class and say:

2008-11-23T18:59:00.001-08:00

"I hate poetry! It's hard to understand, it's not relevant to me, and it doesn't even matter to anyone beside English teachers."

Well, here's an excerpt from an essay written on Shelley's "A Defence of Poetry":

In A Defence of Poetry, Shelley contends that the invention of language reveals a human impulse to reproduce the rhythmic and ordered, so that harmony and unity are delighted in wherever they are found and incorporated, instinctively, into creative activities: ‘Every man in the infancy of art, observes an order which approximates more or less closely to that from which highest delight results...’ (SPP, p. 481).This ‘faculty of approximation’ enables the observer to experience the beautiful, by establishing a ‘relation between the highest pleasure and its causes’ (SPP, p. 482). Those who possess this faculty ‘in excess are poets’ (SPP, p. 482) and their task is to communicate the ‘pleasure’ of their experiences to the community. Shelley does not claim language is poetry on the grounds that language is the medium of poetry; rather he recognises in the creation of language an adherence to the poetic precepts of order, harmony, unity, and a desire to express delight in the beautiful. Aesthetic admiration of ‘the true and the beautiful’ (SPP, p. 482) is provided with an important social aspect which extends beyond communication and precipitates self-awareness. Poetry and the various modes of art it incorporates are directly involved with the social activities of life.

For Shelley, then, ‘poets...are not only the authors of language and of music, of the dance, and architecture, and statuary, and painting; they are the instituters of laws, and the founders of civil society...’ (SPP, p. 482).

Another cause

2008-11-23T14:13:00.000-08:00

Here's another email from an organization I keep up with. It's addressing World AIDS Day. This is a disease that affects too many people of all races, sexes, and ages, and as such we all need to help however we can. ~JEM

Hey Global Citizen Corps Members,

December 1st is right around the corner -- what are your big plans for World AIDS Day?

* Join over 200 Global Citizen Corps leaders by taking action in your school, on your campus or in your community!

* Feel the impact from World Food Day last month and see just how much we can accomplish when we work together!

* Get informed and watch the short e-training about the global pandemic.

* Check out the AIDS resource page and learn more about Mercy Corps field programs.

* Get started with a list of actions you can take to get involved.

* Read through the World AIDS Day Awareness and Action Pack to learn about different tools you can use to mobilize your community.

Make an impact by joining hundreds of students taking action on World AIDS Day!

awareness + Action = impact

Host a Film Screening

Build awareness about the Global AIDS pandemic by hosting a film screening. Check out this great list of films to get you started.

Packet for Action

Check out the Global Citizen Corps Awareness and Acton Pack loaded with things to do on World AIDS day.

Action Experts

Get some ideas from the action experts and learn what Global Citizen Corps Leaders around the United States are doing on World AIDS Day.

See all stories > >

Privacy Policy
Contact Us

© 2008 Mercy Corps
www.globalcitizencorps.org

Sex Hardens (gross pun semi-intended)

2008-11-23T10:53:00.000-08:00

One of my inspirations for HerStory, was Marilyn Monroe. There are many facets to Marilyn Monroe that I will address. For the sake of this post, I'm only touching on her sexual experiences. Monroe was someone who was constantly offered sex in exchange for acting roles. The head of the company she signed with told her that she was not photogenic. Without recognizing her worth, she performed countless sexual favors on directors and producers of film. As a result, her self worth and value rapidly declined, leading her into a three-some relationship with two mean who ultimately abandoned her. She became pregnant from that relationship, and aborted the child, heeding the advice of her manager. She also took part in countless affairs, relationships, and marriages, that only left her feeling more broken and used. One of her husbands, Arthur Miller, betrayed her by utilizing her experiences in one of his projects. She fell in love with the president of the united states and allowed him to use her for sexual favors as well, believing that having sex was somehow better then respect and love. Her repetitive behavior was perpetuated by the concept that she was not worth the dignity of love. She’d stay in bed for days, not eating, not moving, feeling disgusted with herself, yet she would continue the behavior that made her feel dead to begin with. She allowed a hardening of her heart to occur, convincing herself that her need for love would only make her vulnerable and hurt. In her situation, her countless sexual experiences numbed her, and kept her away from relationships that could have promised longevity and gentleness. Not all sexual experiences can deaden the nerves in hearts, but too much of them without the constancy of love and commitment can certainly harden hearts and make people more like walking zombies instead of alive, giving, joyful beings.

(The picture above is a candid shot of her that does not depict her as a sexual object but simply a woman who loved life.)

--------
I keep listening to a delicious song on the Elizabethtown soundtrack. The singer continually asks, “Don’t I hold you like you want?” He is not demanding anything from the object of his affection, but his intention is to give. Oh so nice!

don't i hold you like you want to be held
and don't i treat you like you want
and don't i love you like you want to be loved
and you're running away
and what's your name
am i in the way
don't i hold you like you want to be held
don't i treat you like you want
and don't i love you like you want to be loved
and you're running away
and what's your name
and i'm in the way
sometimes I hold you right
nice and tight to me
don't i
don't i hold you like you want?

;-) Maria

2008-11-21T07:18:00.000-08:00

How did girl groups go from this ...

To this?

Hmmm....

A sweet potatoe

2008-11-20T07:41:00.000-08:00

I like this singer. He's quite of a contrast to normal rap/pop music. ("I'm bringing sexay back, yeah," etc.) His quality of music is comparable with Sufjan Stevens and Iron and Wine because he can depict love and relationships as constant and inspirational. Plus he's adorable.... Oh be still my non-womanizing awkward boy loving heart!

Jacob Borshard's, "Grass Stains"

Here comes the moon saying `Hi`,
Let`s tip this bottle till it`s dry,
And if we end up, rolling on the floor,
Score one for being us,
Score zero for being bored.

I found this bike for you to ride,
And we can roll soon as the spray paint`s dry,
We can start living soon as you come outside,
I`ve got a kiss here with your name on it.

And I`ve been thinking all day about this dream I had,
Where I never lost you,
But the only mermaid that`s flesh and blood is a bad tattoo,
The stars are out and the moon is new,
How long do I have to stand here praying?

I know that you`re in there,
I know you can hear me,
I want you to crawl out, of that window,
And get your body near me,
I know you were sleeping,
I know you`ve got school tomorrow,
Well if you`ve got nothing to put on,
I`ve got a birthday suit that you can borrow,

And the bonfire, it`s gonna burn, burn, burn,
And the bonfire, it`s gonna burn, burn, burn,
There goes your math book,
There goes your bra,
There go your heartaches,
Let`s burn them all.

Grass stains,
Will be the proof of tonight,
So beautiful,
Will be the rest of our lives,
If you want it,
So say you want it.

Your HerStory Editor In Chief,
;-)Maria

Knuckleball Kid

2008-11-19T08:21:00.000-08:00

Hey there, its Kat!
I was recently alerted to this awesome piece of lady-news!

In Japan, 16 year-old high-school pitcher Eri Yoshida was drafted by Kobe 9 Cruise, a professional baseball team for her wicked side-arm knuckleball. If she gets played by Kobe 9 Cruise in April, Yoshida will be the first female baseball player to play professionally alongside men.
Get 'em girl!

(you can go to http://www.clevelandleader.com/node/7799 to see the full article!)

Submission Guidelines

2008-11-19T04:44:00.000-08:00

HerStory is now accepting submissions of poetry, prose, literary essays from class, photography, drawings, plays, and reactions to women in politics, music, the cinema, etc....

Please send all art in PDF files.

Length of essays should not exceed five pages, and plays should not exceed ten pages.

Send questions/ideas to herstory@rider.edu.

;-)Maria

Welcome from Editor in Chief

2008-11-18T14:29:00.000-08:00

Hello hello!
My name is Maria, and I'm the President and Editor in Chief of HerStory: The First Feminist Literary Journal of Rider University set for print in March 2009. I'm a psychology major with minors in english and gender studies. When I'm not burning the midnight oil for HerStory, I like to eat scrambeled eggs in bed, make snow angels in fall leaves called, "Leaf Angels," or "L.A's," on the street, and laugh with my incredible HerStory executive team.

I'm excited that you decided to stop into our sassy corner of the interweb. Enjoy posts from HerStory's talented staff as we re-define feminism for the empowered college student. Also check in to find guidelines for HerStory submissions.

While you're here, leave comments to let us know what you want to read about in the first edition of our journal, and what you think about our posts. We love to hear from our Rider community; it simply rocks our socks right off.

I have to jet but I'll post something spicy soon.

Your HerStory President,
;-)Maria

Gender Talks

2008-11-18T13:49:00.001-08:00

OK, I don't want to overdo this so this will be my last post of the day. Here's a video from one of the best movies in existence that includes subtitles highlighting the gender role tendencies represented in the scene.

~JEM

Awareness

2008-11-18T13:21:00.001-08:00

What do we want to overcome and conquer as a women's journal? I think awareness is key no matter what the issue is. Here's something heartbreaking to consider when asking yourself what it means to be a feminist and how we can all make a difference.

~JEM

Woman of Interest

2008-11-18T12:31:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone! VP/Managing Editor Julie here. I'm a member of this social networking website called Gaia, and every so often we get emails from someone named Siona. The most recent email I received from her contained information on an admirable woman I think we could all learn from. Here's the email:

Recommends....

Who is Isha?

Hello beautiful people!

Not long ago, I discovered an intriguing conversation between a few Gaians who were discussing the difference between the numbers of male and female spiritual teachers. Is it true, they wondered, that today there were more women starting to step into this role?

Since then, it's been a topic that's been on my mind. And (unsurprisingly) it didn't take long for one of these new voices to step into the community. Her name is Isha, and she's a teacher who not only challenges the traditional idea of the male spiritual leader, but embodies what it means to be a contemporary, cosmopolitan woman--a living example that enlightenment and spirituality is not incompatible with modern life.

Though you might not have heard of her in the US, Isha is already a best-selling author, widely recognized in the rest of the world. (Originally from Australia, she's lived in South America for nearly a decade, where she founded the Isha Foundation Education for Peace.)

Isha is about to embark on her first tour of North America, an event that coincides with the launch of her book, Why Walk When You can Fly (through New World Library). It's the first of her books to be published in the United States, as well as the first written introduction to her system and philosophy of enlightenment.

When I choose for the love, I become the love. — Isha

Isha's bright practicality and her commitment to making a difference in the world outside as well as that within is beautiful. She recently worked with over 940 inmates in a high security prison in Mexico City, and in doing so she unites unconditional love, acceptance, and compassionate understanding with real-world actions that do make a difference. Her goal, she says, (with lighthearted wisdom) is to "demystify enlightenment."

So let's welcome Isha! Have a look at her site (you're sure to be inspired) and if you can't make one of her tour stops, I'd happily recommend her new book: she's a rare and fresh voice, and seems to have a knack at finding the right people at the right time. If you're reading this, there's a good chance you could be one of them. :)

To inquiry and insight and freedom, and, of course, to change...

and the rest of the Gaia Team

EMPOWERED!

2008-11-18T10:47:00.000-08:00

Wonder Woman Copyright DC Comics

Welcome to Herstory: Rider University's First Women's Literary Journal's Blog!
Get to know the Herstory Staff, discuss important issues pertaining to females and equal rights, and read up on some cool stuff the Herstory staff posts here...
Be heard!